A Meshuggunah Pirate Movie

by Cheryl Petterson
with snark interludes by Mylochka and Cher

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PAGE FOURTEEN

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

“God’s death,” Cat muttered as she turned away from the sickening sight. She curled her lip in disgust even while her heart constricted in fear. After all the teasing and grumbling about the Cap’n and Kirk, she never truly believed MeiLin would betray her crew. But now the Asian had said she would give it up – for him? What would happen to the Raven? Han owned it, outright. Where would her girls go, how could any of them avoid capture now that Kirk had what he wanted, a pirate wench for a bed-warmer?

“Not even close to what I want,” Jim muttered. Jade blushed.

Cat shivered, fighting the hopeless anger. She’d been running her whole life, ever since escaping her childhood in London’s back alleys. She’d done her share of bed-warming, to be sure, and had been brought to the Caribbean as a serving-girl. And she’d run from that position as soon as she’d heard of the Raven. But now… there was nowhere to run to. She wouldn’t allow herself to be taken and tried. She already knew the Turks didn’t allow women on their ships any more than did the Royal Navy. The thought of becoming a port whore made her sick to her stomach.

Del laughed and Ruth threw some popcorn at him.

She bit her lip to keep the tears from her eyes, and felt sudden arms sliding around her.

“Why you be weepin’, ma petit chat?” René DelMonde’s voice murmured in her ear.

“I’m not…” she began instantly.

“You t'ink you not have no place to go if your capitaine leave wit’ Kirk, non?”

“And what would the likes o’you know of it?”

Del snorted, a soft, bitterly amused sound. “I the deserter, cher. You t'ink Také an’ me have some big plan fo’ our future?”

“When do you ever have plans,” Ruth taunted.

“All th' damn time, cher,” Del returned.

“I think,” Cat returned, “that you’ll not have Také to worry about.”

“All th’ more reason fo’ hope,” was his jaunty rejoinder. Then his voice became rough with emotion. “An’ all the more reason fo’ you an’ I to see what kind o’ life we can make.” He bent his head, kissing her bare shoulder. “What d’you say to that, Mistress Cat? We beg, borrow or steal ‘til we find us a way away from these cursed islands. Maybe we sail through th’ Gulf and settle near th’ river mouth in Louisiana. It th’ King’s land, an’ if I swear allegiance, we be welcome there…”

“Never in a million, billion, trillion years!” Ruth vowed stridently.

Cat turned in his arms. A part of her wanted to say yes, but another part couldn’t bear the thought of ever being under the thumb of a man. It was why MeiLin’s sudden declaration frightened her so. Only with a crew of all women had she been able to gain any respect on her own, and she was loathe to return to a life of servitude. Del watched her expectantly, waiting for her answer, when a sudden commotion caught their attention.

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

Yarbay Azim Sahin, stood on the beach, staring desolately across the small bay to where Ming’s palace was still burning. All those lovely British sovereigns, he thought disconsolately. All that rich treasure gathered for Allah only knew how many years… And Faik had deserted – had left the Sultan’s employ for some native woman. He had nothing – nothing – to show for this voyage. Sidi Ahmed would not be pleased.

Sounds of fake sympathy echoed through the cargo bay.

Then he heard grunting and cursing, along with an annoyed feminine voice complaining that something was heavy and where was Naval chivalry and she hoped no one expected her to go back to that God-cursed place. He turned to see Faik carrying a large chest out of the jungle, accompanied by the dusky beauty they’d taken from Sweetwater – and followed by the Russian lieutenant and Mistress Rosen herself. Each of them carried large sacks.

Faik set down the chest with a wide grin. The Russian glowered when he saw Sahin.

“That chest is the property of the Her Majesty Queen Anne’s Royal Navy,” he announced.

“Herbert!” Daffy snarled as she smacked the back of Chekov's head.

Sahin raised an eyebrow as Faik crouched next to the chest. “That it is, Yarbay,” he said, “but as for the rest…”

“I’ll be takin’ back what you brigands stole from me!” Mistress Rosen declared loudly.

“And Cap’n Han will no doubt be claimin’ her fair share,” Coriander added.

At Sahin’s murderous glare, Faik shrugged. “Tis only right,” he said. “Unless you want to fight for it all.” And he bared his teeth in another grin.

“That's my man,” Uhura grinned.

“Ah, no, my Yüzbaşı,” Sahim returned quickly. “You’re quite correct. Fair is fair.”

Rosen folded her arms with a triumphant “Ha!”

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

MeiLin’s talk with John was going well – very well – when she was distracted by the voices of her crew calling for her.

“Aw, we not get t’ hear all th’ love-talk?” Del said in an exaggerated pout. All eyes turned to Captain Kirk and Dr. Han in aggrieved expectation. McCoy chuckled.

“You control this simulation, doncha, Jade?” he guessed.

Jim was grinning as Han drew herself up in imperial arrogance.

“A lady is allowed some secrets, Leonard,” she said – then ducked before the hail of popcorn could hit her.

She sighed, pressing her fingers to John’s lips, promising to return as quickly as possible. He grinned at her and she rose, walking back out toward the beach.

“YOU!” the voice of Pytor Chekov bellowed, and MeiLin found herself grabbed around the thighs by a small woman with reddish hair and shackles on her wrists and ankles.

Sacre bleu, ma capitaine, ayez la pitié, si vous plait!

MeiLin blinked, more than startled. “Desireé?”

“This – creature – she is a minion of the sorcerer!” the Navy lieutenant shouted. “She is a foul temptress and…”

“Temptress?” Daphne Rosen interrupted suspiciously.

Chekov drew himself upright. “I did not succumb to her blatancy,” he asserted righteously.

“You saw for yourself, Daphne,” Chekov protested as the chemist glared at him. After a moment more of the evil eye, Daffy relented. She gave him a quick kiss – then smacked the back of his head.

“That was for the thought,” she informed him.

“Please, ma capitaine,” the pretty French girl begged. “I have been a prisoner! Please, take me back, I will be loyal, I will work hard…!”

“Ah, Captain Han,” Sahin’s smooth voice interrupted. “It seems these good souls have managed to bring much of worth from Ming’s palace…”

“The pay chest belongs to the Royal Navy!” Chekov shouted.

“Herbert!”

“Dumb fuck moron.”

“Of course, my good man,” Sahin agreed, “but surely we can come to some agreement regarding the rest of the…”

“MeiLin, what the devil is going on here?” Kirk said as he dragged himself from the concealing jungle.

“Commodore, this woman should be punished…” Chekov began again, pointing at Desireé.

“By God’s blood, what IS all this racket?” Cat demanded as she and DelMonde stepped up to the growing crowd. When she saw the chest and sacks her eyes went wide with delight. Del’s fingers tightened around hers.

For a moment, there was utter cacophony as every person vied to have their concerns addressed first. Finally, MeiLin placed her fingers in her mouth and whistled sharply. The silence that followed was nearly as deafening as the previous din had been.

“I have an announcement to make,” she said, “one which has a bearing on all your interests.” She took a few steps, toward Kirk. “John?” she asked, her eyes hopeful.

Kirk’s gaze softened. “If you’ll have me, aye,” he answered softly.

“Awww!”

“Romance, romance!”

Her smile was the most beautiful any of her crew had ever seen. “I’m leaving the Raven,” she said, then held up her hand to silence the gasps and protests. “Caitlin Valley, you’ve been naught but a good and proper First Mate, the last few hours notwithstanding. So I’ll be leavin’ the Raven in your fair and capable hands.” She glanced around at the rest of her crew. “Obey her, girls, and she’ll not lead you astray.”

“But Cap’n…” Jasmine stammered. “What will you do? Where will you go?”

MeiLin smiled. “I’ll be returning to England,” she said, “As Mrs. John Kirk.”

In the stunned silence that followed, she turned back to her love. He embraced her, then kissed her, fully and openly. Daffy Rosen grinned as Chekov and Riley blinked. Cat was torn between joy and disgust, and didn’t see the pensive worry on DelMonde’s face.

“No New Orleans for you!” Ruth called.

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

“Well, now, Pytor, what do you think of that?” Daffy said, turning to Chekov.

“I… I hardly know what to think,” the Russian stammered.

“You’re not in favor of career changes then?” The innkeeper’s tone was pensive, but her green eyes seemed full of hope.

“Certainly it is good for anyone – man or woman – to turn away from a life of crime,” Chekov began.

More popcorn rained down on him.

“So in your homeland it’s all right for a woman to make her own way?”

“Are we talking Russia or PavelChekovLand?” Ruth snickered. Del gave her an approving thumbs up. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“No, of course not, but sometimes there are circumstances…”

“There'd better be,” Daffy muttered.

“Being an innkeeper is hard work,” Rosen murmured. “Maybe I’ll look for another way as well.” She gave Pytor a sidelong glance. “Mayhaps I’ll follow in Captain Han’s footsteps and marry a Royal Navy captain.” She paused, then added, “D’you think you’ll ever be a captain, Pytor?”

“HINT, HINT!” several people coughed at once.

Chekov blushed, but a hint of a smile played around his lips. “I will not be in Her Majesty’s Navy forever,” he returned. He caught the flare of dismay in Rosen’s eyes, and slipped his hand into hers. “But I do plan on a career in the Russian Navy.”

“Fair enough,” Daffy replied, and dropped her gaze coquettishly for a moment. When she raised it again, she found herself looking directly into Pytor’s soft brown eyes.

“It is said it’s good for a career officer to have a wife,” he said.

“Is it?” she asked.

He nodded, and smiled at her.

“Da DA da dum…” Ruth sang, the cadence of the Wedding March.

“You caught good now, son,” Del crowed.

Chekov flushed. “It is only a movie,” he demurred.

“Oh, is it?” Daffy asked, her green eyes blazing.

“I… I..” the Russian stammered.

“And who said I’d marry you anyway, schmuck?”

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

“Mistress – ah – Captain Valley,” Coriander said as she and Faik stepped up to Cat.

Cat turned. “Yes, Miss Freedom?”

“I wonderin’ – beggin’ your pardon – but t’would be room in your crew for me?”

“And me,” Kaan Faik added as he took Cori’s hand. “Sidi Ahmed allows no women on his ships, and I’ve decided I prefer freedom.” He grinned at his own joke as Cori smiled at him.

“Well…” Cat began. She studied Kaan’s clear strength as well as the look of utter besottedness on his features. “Cap’n Han’s always had an all-woman crew...”

“But since your boyfriend is already intent on tagging along...” Daffy snickered.

Uhura turned to her, a sly smile on her face.

“And who says no to HIM?” she asked.

“But the Raven, she is yours now, cher,” DelMonde’s voice said from behind her.

Cat smiled. “That she is.”

“No need t’ find a way to Louisiana now, non?”

The pirate turned to him. “So you’ll go without me?” she accused.

He grinned. “Not if you end the foolish custom of an all-woman crew,” he returned.

“Whatever are you proposing, Mr. DelMonde?” Valley said archly, but there was a twinkle in her purple eyes.

“You’ll be needin’ a First Mate, capitaine,” he replied boldly. “An’ you an’ I worked well together at the Chinaman’s castle.”

“Aye.”

“Since there be change in the air, my lovely, why not have a real change?”

Cat looked around her. She saw Cori and Faik gazing lovingly at one another. Daffy Rosen and Pytor Chekov were holding hands. John Kirk stood behind her former captain, his arm around her waist. DelMonde’s dark eyes held both longing and promise.

“We not get no 'romance, romance'?” Del asked of the audience around him. The response was a loud “Fuck no!” and the Cajun growled.

And is this a return to a life of servitude? she asked herself. You’d be captain – the commander not only of woman who had nowhere else to go, but of strong men – strong, loyal men who’d answer to you as you answered to MeiLin.

A slow smile spread across her face. She liked it. Yes, indeed, she liked it well.

She turned to DelMonde. “Well, then, Mr. DelMonde,” she said, “I trust you can organize my crew for me?”

He smiled, squeezing her shoulders in a quick embrace that promised much more later on. “Aye, Cap’n, that I can,” he said, then turned to Faik. “Mr. Faik, if you’ll help wit’ dividin’ th’ spoils for our mistress’s ship?”

“Aye, sir!” Faik replied, and gave Coriander a kiss before turning to the task at hand. Daffy and Pytor joined them, to make sure all was done fairly. Cat folded her arms, then caught MeiLin’s gaze. The Asian woman smiled at her, and nodded. And Captain Caitlin Valley threw her head back and laughed in sheer delight.

“I'm getting a parrot!" Ruth declared happily.

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

Iere took several minutes to recover from her expenditure of pure power, Také holding her in a tight yet tender embrace. Odair stepped up to them both, kneeling before his Priestess.

“It is done, Holy One?” he asked softly.

Her silver eyes stared at nothing for a time, then she nodded. “Ming has returned to his origin,” she said. “It will be many years before he can gather enough strength to return, if, indeed he can at all.”

“The God-cursed demon isn’t dead?” Také asked with sudden anger.

“He cannot be killed,” Iere answered. “My power weakened him, and it is not likely he would challenge Kalaoucera again, or attempt to reenter this realm.” She smiled at Také, stoking his face. “Other realms cannot concern us, my beloved.”

Také nodded. “Is – was he…” He paused. “Shinigami?”

“Shinigami?” Jilla questioned. Before anyone could say 'never mind' Chekov cleared his throat.

“A Japanese superstition, regarding a demon realm...” the navigator began.

Daffy smacked the back oh his head.

“We know, Pavel,” Sakura said, with a glance at Sulu.

“They got hurricanes in that realm?” Del questioned.

“Shut up,” Sulu answered.

Iere garnered the meaning from his thoughts and nodded. “A god of death, yes,” she replied.

Také gave a sharp nod of understanding.

“What do we do now, Holy One?” Odair said.

Iere rose, Také rising with her. “I must speak with Kalaoucera,” she said. “We must go to Her shrine.”

“My sword!” Také suddenly cried. “I dropped it when you leapt from the sorcerer’s tower!”

There was a slight rustling in the plant life around them, and one of the native women stepped forward. She held the katana as if it were a sacred relic.

“It is here, Called One,” she said, and knelt, presenting the sword to him, bowing her head. “Once Ming’s army was defeated, I went in search of it for you.”

Iere smiled. “You are a true daughter, Alaphere,” she murmured.

"It's Alana, it's Alana!" Ruth called, then stuck her tongue out at the glare Daffy aimed her way.

Také took the weapon, and when the native rose, backing a respectful two steps away, he strode forward, kissing her forehead.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

“Odair,” Iere said, “come with us to the shrine.”

“Yes, Holy One,” the man replied.

It was a short journey through the jungle, though by the way the growth closed around them, Také knew he would never be able to find his way on his own. There was a mist all around them, and the feeling of walking through the worst of a typhoon, though there was no wind or rain. A great band of pressure nearly made his ears pop – then all cleared and he found himself in a dark clearing, as though they had entered the eye of the great storm.

“I guess they is,” Del chuckled.

Stone steps led to a platform, on which stood a statue of alabaster marble. An opening in the canopy of trees let moonlight stream down upon it, though Také knew full well it was midday.

Odair gestured. “The Great One awaits you, Priestess,” he said to Iere, then to Také, “We must wait for her communion, Called One.”

Také nodded, watching in awed silence as Iere ascended the stairs.

“Looks just like your shrine to Aema,” Ruth said to Jilla.

“Who'da guessed that?'” Daffy chuckled.

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

Iere let her skin be bathed by the Moon’s light. She knelt before Kalaoucera, her head bowing in respect, then raised her arms, waiting for the touch of her Goddess. It came swiftly.

You have done well, my daughter. The Goddess’ soft voice surrounded her. The demon-lord is again confined, and you did not succumb to his temptations.

Was this a test, Great One? Iere asked.

“Only if she's really the Zehara,” was Ruth's comment to Spock. The Vulcan smiled softly at her.

Of sorts, child. The Voice became sorrowful. Your world is changing, She continued. Men come to these islands, and they will not retreat. Their disbelief and cool reason dissipates my power, driving it deeper and deeper into darkness. Neither my magic nor yours can keep it at bay. Soon there will no shield strong enough to protect the people. They must find a new way.

Iere gasped. You would leave us, Great One?

Not by choice, my daughter. But as Ming has proven, my power, if I remain, could be corrupted, and such evil I cannot bring upon the world. A new era is dawning, one that will not abide our ways. The people must move into the world of the foreigners, or perish.

We would gladly die for You, oh great and wise one! Iere cried.

Yes, but I would not wish to see it, the Goddess said sadly.

“No, that's definitely Aema,” Sulu said to himself.

Jilla gazed quzzically at him.

“Never mind, hon.”

I will take my power back, my child, for you well know it was only lent to my Priestesses. I will use it to keep as much evil from the world as I can. When I am gone, you must burn this place, cleanse its magic with the purity of fire. Then, you will be released from my service, and you must leave this place. Choose the strongest among the people to lead them in this new time, and know that my love will always shine down upon you. I only ask that you remember, and think of me when you see my light in the night sky.

There were tears in Iere’s eyes as she bent her head. It will be as You will, Kalaoucera, she said. The tears fell down her pale cheeks as the Goddess receded from her. Slowly she rose, then turned and retraced her steps down and away from the statue. Without looking at Odair or Také, she retrieved one of the torches from a stand next to the shrine.

“Holy one?!” Odair called in sudden fright.

“It is the will of Kalaoucera,” Iere intoned, and she repeated all that the Goddess had said to her. Odair fell to his knees, his head bent.

“Iere,” Také called, his eyes, too, tear-filled. “What will you do?”

The Priestess didn’t turn back to meet his gaze.

“What I must,” she said.

“And after?”

Iere thrust the torch against the foliage of the shrine. It caught, and to her surprise, so did the marble statue, crystallizing before her eyes, then falling slowly to dust under the flames. It was only when that dust, too, caught fire, that Iere turned.

“Odair, you must lead the people,” she said. “Take a woman you deem worthy as your wife,

“An’ stop chasin’ that Takeda boy!” Del called.

Sulu scowled at him, but he soon joined the laughter around him.

keep your tribe safe as long as you can, and when the foreigners are at your door, do what you think best to ensure their survival.”

Odair rose and stepped toward her. He bent down on one knee, taking her hand, kissing it. “It has always been my honor to serve Kalaoucera,” he said, and his dark eyes met hers. “And you, Most Holy One.”

Iere smiled sadly. “I am holy no longer, Odair.”

“Yet will you always be to me,” Odair replied.

“That's my Jeremy,” Sulu said with a firm nod. Jilla flushed a bright silver.

He rose again, and glanced at Také. “Take care of her, Takeda,” he said, then vanished into the jungle.

“Too bad Cobra not here t' take his bows,” Del grinned as the audience applauded.

Také shuddered as around him, the thickness of vegetation seemed to diminish, the sun’s rays shining through the leaves. Iere came to his side, taking his hand. He gazed down at her, and noted her eyes were no longer silver, but a plain, sad grey.

“What will I do?” she asked, a plaintive repetition of his question.

"Join Starfleet!" Ruth called, and grinned at her friend.

Jilla tilted her head. "Did I not?" she asked, and laughter welled up around her.

Také took her in his arms. “We’ll fine a way, my love,” he vowed. “We’ll find a way.”

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

The sun shone brightly on the waters of the Caribbean. The distant sails of the Enterprise could be seen, heading back to the open waters of the Atlantic, then on toward England. On the deck of the Raven, Kaan Faik held the wheel in strong, sure hands, Coriander Freedom-Faik beside him. Cap’n Caitlin Valley leaned on the railing, a brightly colored parrot perched on one forearm,

“Hooray!” Ruth shouted!

her other arched behind her head to caress the hair of her First Mate. René DelMonde stood behind her, his arms about her waist, his head bent to nuzzle at the long, golden hair that flowed down her back.

Dell sighed and Ruth made a face.

Also at the railing stood Také, his headscarf replaced by a band tied across his forehead, his arms around Iere, who wore a rich jacket of pirate lace. Her head was turned to him, as his was to her.

“What heading, Cap’n?” Faik called.

Cat smiled at René. “Louisiana?” she asked.

“Oh, not yet, cher,” he laughed. “There be too much riches in these waters yet.”

“Také,” Cat asked, “How does your Iere like her new life?”

"And clothing," Uhura commented wryly.

“An’ clothes!” Coriander shouted with a grin.

"Caught you, cher," Del said, and Uhura stood and gave an elegant bow.

The pale woman blushed and Také smiled at her. “I think she be takin’ t’ both just fine, Cap’n,” he answered. “Just fine indeed.”

"Though some o' us liked th' no clothes t'ing," the Cajun whispered to no one in particular, ignoring Sulu's scowl.

“Well, then, let us see if there be a galleon nearby!” Cat cried.

Faik spun the wheel, and the swift Raven made her way back toward the islands of the Caribbean.

~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~~~~***~~~

The audience bust into applause, though Del and Sulu privately agreed it was because the damned thing was finally over.

“At leas’ you get a happy endin’,” Del grumbled.

“Yours wasn’t all that bad…” Sulu began, and the engineer scowled.

“In the damn psychocin,” he countered.

Sulu glanced over Jilla’s head to where Spock and Ruth were talking quietly to each other. Ruth’s purple eyes were shining mischievously, the First Officer looking serene and unperturbed by the last scene of the ‘movie.’

“Yeah,” he conceded, then a laid a supportive hand on Del’s shoulder. “I’m sorry – and not… if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know – an’ shut th’ fuck up,” Del growled.

Jilla gazed at her fellow engineer in deep sympathy. “I, too, offer my regrets for your pain, Mr. DelMonde,” she said softly.

Del took a deep breath, closing his eyes, then blew it out. He said nothing more, just nodded at the Indiian, and quickly left the makeshift theater.

“Come on, hon,” Sulu said, turning to Jilla. “I’ve got a sudden urge to replenish your power.” He grinned roguishly and Jilla flushed, and they, too, left the room.

Daffy and Pavel left arguing. Ramon was sweet-talking Monique, and Uhura and Sakura were comparing notes. As Spock and Ruth left, Ruth’s voice could be heard.

“But a parrot wouldn’t take up a lot of room…”

Spock’s reply was a simple, “No, my wife.”

McCoy stood, stretching, and grinned at Jade.

“So, this little experiment o’ yours tell ya anything?” he asked.

“I found it quite informative, yes,” Jade replied coolly.

McCoy snickered, poking Jim in the ribs, and the captain flushed, then coughed.

“And do you think it had any positive effect on crew morale?” Jim questioned.

“I think, James, that it will provide hours of amusement,” was her succinct reply.

The End

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