"No one looked...as I walked by
Just an invitation would have been just fine
Said no to him again and again
First he took my heart, then he ran..."
Starq, along with Ruth and DelMonde, had been asked to play after dinner. As always, Starq was more than willing to oblige. DelMonde had also seemed eager to use the music to express his tumultuous emotions. Ruth had at first seemed reluctant, almost embarrassed. She had soon become involved in the music, however, and Starq had thought her mood less troubled until they began this particular selection from the Valley Collection.
"No one knows how I feel
What I say unless they read between my lines
One man walked away from me
First he took my hand
Take me home..."
That there was something amiss between Captain Spock and his wife was obvious, would have been even to a non-Vulcan, even to a non-telepath. Spock treated her not as valued partner and bondmate, but as... nothing. As though she were only as he had introduced her; his Science Officer. Starq found the cold formality difficult to comprehend. Spock was a hybrid, said to be less inclined to the disciplines than would be a full Vulcan. He had, like his father and distant kinsman, taken an off-world wife. Why then did he withhold even the proper acknowledgement of her?
"Stand back, stand back
In the middle of my room I did not hear from you
It's alright...it's alright
To be standing in a line…
To be standing in a line …
I would cry...."
Dark waves of bitterness, sharp despair, sorrow and pain tinged with desperation.
Starq blinked at the sudden blast of confused emotions that came not from Ruth nor from the undisciplined mind of Noel DelMonde. Nor did it come from the inexplicable way their telepathies at times combined. But before Starq could identify the source, it was gone, clamped tightly behind rigid barriers.
"Do not turn away my friend
Like a willow I can bend..."
If the performance had taken place even a day earlier, Jade would have thought Ruth at the least misguided, at the most, cruelly embarrassing. But her perspective was changing. She was by no means ready to ascribe to Spock all the malice Sulu did, but she was beginning to realize just how cold Vulcan logic could seem. It made her sympathy more realistic. Unfortunately, it made everything more realistic.
James Tiberius-your-days-are-numbered-Kirk is dead. Beyond retrieval. Beyond you, Jade Melissa Han. And you never told him. Couldn't tell him. Everyone you love dies; how could you?
But it didn't matter that you wouldn't admit it. He'd dead anyway.
Don't be trite, Doctor; you're not a curse.
No; just incredibly unlucky. Star-crossed was the phrase, wasn't it? Star-crossed. A suicidal psychology student, a married Vulcan, and a starship captain. Sure can pick 'em, Han. Sure can...
"No man calls my name
No man came..."
Pain rushed through Del and, as usual, he wasn't quite sure whose it was. He could barely stand it as it was; Ruth's choice of music was catharsis for her, but it was living hell on him. I come if you wanted, babe, he thought fiercely, helplessly. I call, I do! Ruth, babe, it hurt so damn bad...
"So I walked on down away from you
Maybe your attention was more than you could do
One man did not call
He asked me for my love That was all..."
One man. Only one. He all you want. And he not want you. What he ever do to deserve you?
"Stand back, stand back
In the middle of my room I did not hear from you
It's alright, it's alright
To be standing in a line…
To be standing in a line …
I would cry..."
Ruth used the words to try and cleanse herself of the rejection and humiliation. She lashed out with pain and sarcasm at Spock; with fearful pleading at Del; and with anger and hatred at the ever-present shadow of Jim Kirk.
"Well I need a little sympathy…
Stand back!
Well you could be standin' in…
Stand back!
Take me home…
Stand back!
Take me home…
Stand back!
Oh won't you take me home!"
Commodore Starn had always been most appreciative of music. That was why he had not objected to his eldest son's joining the Guild. He had done what he could to make Starq's choice easier and had the reward of his son's contributions to art. He looked forward to Starq and T'Pre's rare visits and had expected this evening to be especially enjoyable. He found that the music, however talented the musicians, did not make up for the tension that had entered his home.
When he received a call from his second in command requesting his immediate presence in the main stellar observation building he had no objections to leaving his guests.
Starn informed his wife and Captain Spock of the call and then left, not intending to return until it was absolutely necessary.
Spock had tried not to listen to the music. He tried to keep his face impassive, to hold a polite, intelligent conversation with T'Pir. The words Ruth's strained voice sang beat at him, as her despairing telepathy called to him. For one, fleeting moment his shielding slipped. He yanked it back sternly and felt it echo to those around him. To apologize would be to admit the breach, and that he could not do. He dared not show any weakness, dared not give Ruth hope.
Dare not give my wife hope that she is still my wife. Ruth, beloved...
I must return to the ship, my research. I must find Jim and end this nightmare. My duty here is done. I will leave.
He had to wait until the end of the song, of course, for courtesy's sake, and not to give the impression that he was fleeing from the words. If he had had a choice, he would’ve stayed, explained, apologized, and begged his wife to forgive him. But until he found Jim, that path was closed to him..
He began to rise as the song concluded, but T'Pir gasped sharply, drawing everyone's attention to her. Her face lost all color as she made a soft groaning sound. Starq left his lyrette and hurried to his mother's side. She spoke in rapid Vulcan and both Starq and Spock headed out of the residence, leaving T'Pre to translate for the non-Vulcans.
"There has been an explosion. My husband's father is gravely injured, but alive. Commander Cray has been killed."
The sensor array was in ruins. Spock was assessing the damage as technicians and scientists tried to salvage the data banks. Starq had taken his father to the Base's hospital and had returned with Ruth and DelMonde, who immediately added their expertise to the repair-work. It looked like sabotage and Spock could think of only one source: Klingons. As there had been no report of Klingon activity, the saboteur had to be a spy on the Base. Spock was prepared to order an investigation as soon as the damage to the sensors was repaired. He was almost grateful for the diversion.
The Bridge was quiet, and almost relaxed. Even without leave, with Spock gone Sulu felt the tension ebbing. Maybe it was simply the release from the feeling of being constantly watched. Or maybe just the quiet of the ship. Or maybe it was that Jilla's apprehension had faded the moment Captain Bastard could no longer reach her. Not that the reason mattered; the peace was enough, and Sulu didn't want to analyze it too closely for fear it would vanish.
He casually surveyed the other three people on the Bridge, meeting Jilla's eyes with undisguised affection. Hers softened in response and he found himself wondering if he really could get away with ordering the Bridge cleared; and if he did, if he could convince Jilla to go along with his fantasy. Well, why not? he thought. I am in command. I'd have to justify it in the log.... drills in orbit? Well, it's safe then. But not necessary. Particularly with a skeleton crew. Hmmm. There are only two officers. I could discreetly...
That'd boost your command image, wouldn't it? But it'd be great for morale.
Only if they could watch. Jilla'd never agree to that. He was suddenly shivering. I wouldn't want her to.
His reverie was interrupted by Ensign Kona's startled, "Oh, my god! Commander!"
He turned to her, rising at the alarm in her voice. "What is it?"
"I'm getting an enormous radiation reading erupting from this system's sun — a stellar flare of incredible size — " She faced him, her tan-brown face almost white. "It's heading this way and it's still forming!"
"Jesus!" Sulu murmured, then swiveled to communications. "Get the Captain, on the double."
"Aye, sir!" Lieutenant Englemen snapped out.
Swiftly Sulu's mind calculated how far Starbase 16 was from Alpha Assad and how long it would take the flare to reach them. Then he closed his eyes as he realized he probably had just under ten minutes to live.
When Spock answered the call from the Enterprise, he expected a report somehow involving Klingons. Sulu's words thoroughly confused him.
"Captain, we've got one hell of a flare on our sensors. Have you started the evacuation?"
Flare? Evacuation? He answered the questions even as he thought them. The entire purpose of this Base was to support research of the unstable star. An unpredictable unstable star. "Sensors monitoring Assad have just been destroyed, Mr. Sulu. So have planetary shields. How long — ?"
"Nine point five minutes," Sulu interrupted.
Spock could feel Ruth's eyes on his back. Nine point five minutes. No shields. Impossible to evacuate in so short a time. "Has the flare terminated at its source?"
"Not yet, sir."
"Captain, I suggest..." Ruth began.
"Yes, I know, Miss Valley," he broke in. "Mr. Sulu, beam aboard all personnel located within the next nine minutes. Then proceed on course one seventeen mark eleven at light speed until the flare has dissipated."
"Captain, what the..."
"Do it, Commander. Spock out." He turned to order Ruth and DelMonde to beam up, but Ruth was already requesting it. He began to leave the room.
"Sp- Captain, aren't you coming?" Ruth's tremulous voice asked.
"I am the ranking officer, Miss Valley. My duty is here."
"But
"You have eight point five minutes, Miss Valley." He left the room, pretending not to hear the whispered, "Goodbye, husband."
Do it? Do it? Sulu tried to clear the astonishment out of his head. He didn't have time for it. "I don't know what the fuck you want, Captain," he muttered, "but I'll do it." He took a deep breath and began giving orders. Jilla headed for the transporter room before he had a chance to say goodbye and he didn't think he'd have the time later. Englemen was a maniac on the Communications board; locating irate crew, patching their locations to the transporter, reporting those aboard. Kona kept up a stream of data from the sensors.
Sulu himself slid into the Helm, feeding the designated coordinates to the navigational computer. He heard the hiss of the turbolift and Ruth's, "I’ll take over, Ensign." He glanced up. Ruth and DelMonde, but...
"Where's the Captain!" he shouted.
"Sabotage on th' Base! Captain th' rankin’ officer!" DelMonde shouted back as he dove into the chair at Engineering. He was too busy preparing Engineering for the emergency to say anymore.
Ruth had already replaced Kona at Sciences. Her eyes didn't leave the sensors as she spoke. "The only chance we've got is to warp the magnetic field of the flare away from the planet."
"We're only one goddamn ship!" Sulu protested.
"But if we're close enough to the flare..."
"Yeah, thirty seconds close. Shit. We're all gonna fry!"
"It's radiation, not fire," Ruth said and Sulu heard the hollow fear in her voice.
And he's staying behind. Bastard. We'll save his ass but what's our chance of survival?
There are eight thousand people on the planet and most of the crew of the Enterprise. Keep reminding yourself of that, Takeda.
Another one in the books for Kamikaze if we live? The person at Sciences is afraid of fire. What does that do to our chances?
She's good. She won't make any slips. Or are you hoping she will, Bastard?
"Damn it!" he said aloud, softly but vehemently.
Seven minutes later, still with only a fraction of a crew, the Enterprise left orbit, thirty seconds in front of the largest stellar flare ever recorded in Alpha Asaad's history.
The repair work was proceeding steadily, if more slowly than Spock would have liked. Many of the Base's technicians had been injured in the blast, and while the scientists knew what had to be done, they had no experience with doing it. Spock had ordered the remaining Enterprise crew to assist in repairs, but they were not all easily located, nor in a fit condition to work. Dr. Han was with Starn, aiding both him and his family, as well as helping the Base doctors attend to the wounded. And as much as Spock tried to keep busy, his thoughts and eyes kept drifting towards the stars, the stellar flare, the Enterprise and his wife.
She is afraid of fire.
A stellar flare is radiation, not flames.
It will register the same on her senses.
Ruth, I am sorry. I had to stay here. My duty...
Always your duty! Can you think of nothing else?!
She would understand.
Fire, Spock? Fire?!
Radiation.
He bent his head, collected his control, and returned to his work.
I wish I'd had a prayer wheel installed on the Helm, Sulu thought. It would save my being distracted from piloting by my longing to fall on my knees.
He took time out from his inner monologue to say, "Shields, DelMonde?"
All the spare power they had was being channeled to the rear shields and they were a primary source of worry for Sulu.
"Weakening," DelMonde reported, "but slowly."
Thank gods — all of them. "Report on the progress of the flare," he said to Ruth. He didn't turn to look at her but her voice clearly described her state; white with fear and stern determination.
"It's following the magnetic line we've set up. I suppose that's good. And the tail end is about three minutes from the Base."
"Will the warp of the normal lines last that long?"
"It should," DelMonde and Ruth answered together.
Please God, Buddha, Aema, Sulu added silently.
The Bridge returned to tense silence. Sulu tried to keep his thoughts focused on piloting the ship, but they kept spinning. Ruth — she's scared to death. We're less than thirty seconds ahead of a planet-sized bonfire. Sure, we'll stay thirty seconds ahead but that doesn't stop the panic, does it, Spike?
I didn't say goodbye to Jilla. I didn't tell her I love her. It's alright, I'll see her again soon. Unless the shields fail. Or the engines give out. Or someone with too much stress and not enough leave makes a fatal mistake.
Efficiency's way down. It’s why Captain Bastard authorized leave. Did he think of that when he ordered this suicide run? Did he realize we'd be working on a skeleton crew? Does he care? Caring is a Human emotion, Commander. One he used to be familiar with. One he now uses as he sees fit. Bastard! You and the Base and most of the crew will survive this, but us? Your wife, your — he choked on the word — mate, people who tried to be your friend, who admired you, respected you.... Bastard. Bastard!
Furiously he asked for status again, turning off the angry pain with efficient thoughts of the job he had to do.
Ruth's eyes burned from keeping them fiercely glued to the data from the sensors. The computer projected a representation of the relative positions of the flare, the Enterprise, Alpha Asaad, and Starbase 16. She didn't need the graphics. She kept repeating it was radiation, not fire, but the graphics showed a huge tongue of flame following a fraction of a centimeter behind the small blip that was the ship. She remembered with a terrified, almost amused irony her asking Del how often she'd run into fire in space. How many years ago? How many lifetimes? Del, I'm so glad you're here. Not that I want you to die, but... just to have someone who loves me...
The sudden pain whipped around her as she realized she wouldn't have been able to think that about Spock even had he been on board. Spock.... husband.... do you want me to die? Will that atone for Jim's death? Or am I somehow in the way of his memory? I don't understand! I'm going to die --burn to death — and I don't understand!
She swallowed at the threatening sobs in her throat, unable to banish them or the fear or the despair. She forced herself to concentrate on the readout. Two minutes. Two minutes and the Base will be safe. Spock would be safe. Then what do I do? Zehara, then what do I do?
When Ruth finally croaked, "Clear," Sulu didn't quite believe it. It was a good thirty seconds before he realized that everyone on the Bridge was looking to him for some sort of reaction. He blinked, forced himself to sit back in the Helm chair and let his tense muscles relax with a loud, thankful sigh.
"We did it." We're alive. The planet's safe. Jilla's safe. Change the fucking course and get us out from under that thing. He closed his eyes for a quick silent prayer, punched in the new navigational orders, then sprang out of the chair. "We did it!" he shouted and the crew echoed the shout back to him.
Sulu found himself hugging Ruth, who was shivering. "Suppose we have to go back to the planet?" he asked her.
The stricken look he was expecting didn't come. Her eyes dulled a little; that was all. "Most of the crew is back there," she returned.
"Getting a tan," he added. The bad joke relieved what tension was left. "Come on, if we've gotta..."
"We returnin’ to a shore leave, non?" DelMonde put in.
Sulu nodded. Like hell, Cajun, he thought. Like hell.
"What do you mean shore leave's cancelled?"
"Why must you continually question orders, Mr. Sulu?" Spock countered. Sulu did not answer, 'why don't you get yourself another First Officer?' but the expression on his face said it quite clearly. Spock found that while he had been prepared for the young man's hatred, he had not anticipated his contempt. His attention was claimed by Dr. Han before he could challenge Sulu's glare.
"Captain, you can't be serious! This leave is a medical necessity. You agreed to that..."
"I agreed to no such thing," Spock interrupted. "I granted leave on the strength of your recommendations but I did not state my agreement or approval."
Jade's mouth snapped shut.
"Due to the sabotage on this Base, it is imperative we return to patrol immediately. The chaos here can only invite Klingon attention. Surely Federation security must be of primary importance." His raised eyebrows and pointed stare kept both the Assistant Medical Officer and First Officer silent. He nodded in satisfaction. "Energize," he said into his communicator.
Jilla was at the transporter. Ruth stood to one side of the door. Sulu and Jade had materialized behind him. Spock closed off the pain, ignored the eyes that glared or pleaded or were lowered in despairing submission and strode, alone, out into the corridor.
Lyrics from "Stand Back" by Stevie Nicks
Return To Part One
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