Return to Valjiir Stories
Sulu noted that Lace, Madvig, and Phen chose not to take the Stupid Roger Tourline Special either. This was completely understandable, of course, but as he snacked and engaged in a few casual conversations, he watched them do the same, getting the feeling that they, too, were waiting.
Chekov had gotten himself a cup of coffee and was sitting with his back to a wall opposite a large viewing port displaying an excellent view of the asteroid field beyond.
DelMonde was brooding nearby, looking every bit as unhappy and uncomfortable as Sulu was making a very conscious and determined effort to not let himself be.
Why the sudden prohibition on the Haven drugs? he wondered silently as he made his way towards the navigator. Much easier to stay off them entirely than to take them this long only to quit cold-turkey…
At the thought, the ghost of ambers past gave him a little kick in the gut to assure him that cold-turkey was not an acceptable option. Merely cutting back was going to take a fight…
“As far as we are from Starbase 9,” the helmsman said, sitting down next to Chekov. “I think it’s still the closest Federation Installation.”
The navigator eyed the viewport as if taking a reading. “Starbase 11 is closer.”
Del drifted over to a position near them, rubbing the heel of his hand against his right eye. “Fuckin’ Loonies…”
Sulu decided to ignore him. “I didn’t expect to be this far inside Federation territory.”
“It’s not a very densely populated quadrant,” the navigator pointed out.
“I make us about 4 to 6 days from Catulla.”
“At warp six?”
“No, at yacht speed.”
“Oh…” Chekov took another sip of coffee and stared at the viewport as he recalibrated. “I’m not accustomed to traveling so slowly.”
They fell into a companionable silence as they sat together looking at the display of distant stars float past them as the station moved in its unhurried orbit.
Force of habit, Sulu thought, noticing that he had even sat down on the navigator’s left hand side as if drawn there by gravity.
“Dafshka, Dafshka, Dafshka,” Del interrupted abruptly. “Jilla, Jilla, Jilla. Irina, Irina, Irina… My God, you two like a couple o’ fourteen year olds who jus' lost they cherries…”
The two turned to stare up at him.
“Can you please try t' t'ink ‘bout somet'ing other than screwin’ your damned girlfriends?” Del demanded, squeezing his eyes closed and rubbing his temples.
"If we are disturbing you, Noel,” Chekov said evenly. “Feel free to…”
“…Fuck myself?”
The Russian shrugged. “If you wish.”
Instead of replying to the navigator, DelMonde glared at Sulu, “Oh an' don’t go into fuckin’ 'concern' mode.”
Chekov turned to his helmpartner. “What is the thing that Miss Valley always says to him?”
“I think it’s ‘Shield, Del. Shield.’”
“Fuck off, Kam. Fuck off,” the engineer replied in heated parody before stalking away.
Sulu noted that the Cajun’s path was a little unsteadier than he would have liked to see. “Does Del seem more… Del to you than usual?” he asked, not pausing to think how little sense the question was going to make until after it was well past his lips.
“More the uncivilized kulak? Unfortunately, no.”
“That’s not it exactly…”
While Sulu tried to gather his thoughts, Chekov watched the Cajun stumble over to a low table holding several decanters.
“I don’t know…” The helmsman wasn’t able to put a word to the peculiar sensations he had been getting recently. “Just very, very Del right now?”
“Well…. I…,” the navigator temporized as he watched the engineer wash down a pair of pills with a swig from one of the bottles.
“I know.” Sulu sighed. “It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense to me either.”
The two of them lapsed into silence again.
“I’m not conceding that Noel was correct in saying that I’m thinking of… of other things,” Chekov said after a few moments. “However if I do not seem to be paying attention…”
“It’s all right.” Sulu assured him, then admitted, “I actually was thinking of Jilla. I can’t help it.”
“I am certain that she’s fine.”
“I’m the one who’s not fine.” The helmsman bit his lip. “I miss her so much it’s painful.”
“I understand. After all, when Daphne is present, it can be painful…” Chekov joked dryly, rubbing the back of his head.
Sulu smiled, glad to see the navigator’s sense of humor hadn’t gone completely missing in action. “I was surprised that Irina wasn’t here to meet us,” he said, deciding to take what might be his last chance to broach the topic before the two Russian lovers were reunited.
The navigator nodded. “It’s not a good sign. An average member of the organization would be free to…”
“…greet an old friend,” Sulu finished for him. “Yeah.”
Chekov shifted his gaze back to he viewport and took another sip of coffee. “I will see her soon enough.”
“I understand how you feel.”
“Do you?”
“I mean, I know how you feel about Daf.”
Chekov rolled his eyes. “I don’t.”
“You don’t want to hurt her.”
“No,” he confirmed readily. “I do not.”
“And you think that if you wind up sleeping with Irina, you will.”
“Can you say that I will not?” The navigator turned to him, his brown eyes full of stern but caring reproach. “You of all people?”
The bitter memory of LiLing filled Sulu’s mouth so suddenly he wanted to spit it out. “No,” he said, dropping his eyes in the eternal shame he was damned to feel.
“Even if she forgives me…”
”…you’ll always remember how much pain you caused her,” Sulu finished, the words dragging themselves inexorably from his soul. “And even if she never says anything, you know that she can’t forget either. And every time you see a shadow in her eyes, you’ll know that its there because of you and a part of your heart will die every time.”
They were silent for a long moment. A large asteroid glided past filling most of the viewing screen.
Chekov’s mouth slowly twisted into a smile. “Somehow I can’t imagine Daphne never mentioning it.”
Sulu wiped the leaking moisture from the corner of his eyes and was glad for the chance to laugh. “Come to think of it, neither can I.”
The navigator took in a deep breath and shook his head. “And of the two of us, you have always been the optimist…”
“Sorry,” was the only thing the helmsman could think of to say.
“Hey,” Del came and sat down beside Sulu.
“Hi.”
“I seem less ‘Del’ to you now?” the Cajun asked with a strange seriousness.
“Yeah… It was a stupid thing to say. Sorry...” Sulu rose, rubbing his face. “I’m going to get a drink.”
DelMonde sighed contentedly and leaned back against the wall. “This is great,” he announced to no one in particular.
“Is it?” Chekov replied sourly.
“Yeah.” The engineer turned and smiled at him. “I jus' like you now, T-Paul.”
“You are nothing like me,” the navigator assured him.
“Oh, yes, I am, son.” DelMonde jovially rapped the Russian on the forehead. “Dead between the ears. Deaf, blind, an' dumb to the thoughts an' feelin’s o’others.”
The significance of this statement passed the navigator by completely. “I’m in no mood to be insulted,” he warned his roommate as a gong began to sound over the station’s intercom system.
The signal caused a stir among the Sevrinites still present.
“Pavel!” Lace came forward, holding out her hand. “C’mon. There’s someone who I’m sure is just dying to see you.”
“Great,” Sulu was right behind her. “I’ve been wanting to talk to…”
“Just him, Brother,” Madvig stopped the helmsman. “For now. Can you reach?”
“Yeah… but...” Sulu desperately cast about for a reason to accompany the navigator that just wouldn’t materialize.
Chekov rolled his eyes as he allowed Lace to help him to his feet. “I’m not a child, Sulu.”
“Yeah,” DelMonde confirmed cheerfully. “He a moron. Children ask fo' help when they in trouble.”
“Oh, he’s not in trouble,” Lace laughed, leading the navigator away. “C’mon.”
Sulu sighed heavily as he watched Phen join Madvig and Lace as they moved into a lift with the Russian in tow. “I think I’m in trouble. Jer’s gonna kill me for letting him go alone.”
“What could you do, son?” Del shrugged satirically. “They send a crack team o' Loonie chicks to defeat your efforts.”
The helmsman slid down to sit beside the engineer. “I hope he’s going to be all right.”
Del snorted. “I hope you as worried ‘bout me next time I head off t'have my brains fucked out by an ol' girlfriend.”
“Considering the identity of at least one of your old girlfriends,” Sulu replied dryly. “I think I can guarantee that.”
Despite the cheerfulness of the Sevrinites, the helmsman couldn’t dismiss the gnawing feeling in his gut that something was about to go wrong. It was, therefore, several moments before he noticed something was going wrong right next to him. “Del… What are you looking at?”
“Angels.”
Sulu blinked. “What?”
“You got angels… all round you.” The Cajun’s eyes were moving around as if following a flock of butterflies. “Pretty ones, too… Some dark. Some light… An' some of ‘em got some nice tits on ‘em…”
“Del,” Sulu quickly concluded, “you’re high.”
“No, I right here next to you,” the engineer replied with seeming coherence. “An' enjoyin’ the show. Look at that!”
Despite himself, the helmsman turned to follow DelMonde’s pointing finger. “What?”
“There Papa Lem-bay waitin’ to take you t' Hell.”
“Del…”
“Somebody done cast a root on you, ain’t they?” The Cajun shook his head. “Some bad gris-gris…”
Sulu shuddered but refused to be creeped out by the engineer’s ramblings. “Jer said no sapphire…”
“Oh, this ain’t sapphire. Sapphire not do this.”
“What’s it doing?”
“Restin’ me -- at the same time it makin’ me stronger.” Del let his head fall back against the bulkhead and smiled. “I ain’t never been this strong.”
”What do you mean?” Sulu asked, hoping for clues that would allow him to identify the drug his friend had taken.
“I not hear you – in here” Del tapped his forehead. “But I see you… like I never seen anyt'ing before. I t'ink I could touch you too….”
DelMonde reached out carefully – apparently avoiding angels all the way – until his hand landed on Sulu’s shoulder.
It was probably just his imagination, but the helmsman got a very odd feeling when the engineer’s hand made contact. Mesmerized, he didn’t move away when Del lowered his lips to his. Instead of kissing him, though, the Cajun touched his lips with his tongue.
“You taste like ambition,” Del murmured. “An' regret.”
Sulu gave himself a sharp mental shake and pushed him away. “Del, what kind of pill did you take?”
Instead of answering, the Cajun just chuckled to himself. “You better look out for me, son. I so much stronger than you now.”
“Hey, babe.”
The helmsman had been too distracted to note the approach of Jeremy and the rest of their party. “Are we interruptin’ something?”
“We decided to cut our tour short,” Sakura said.
“Yeah. Ruth was contemplating sledging Stupid Roger in the fuzzies,” Daffy added, looking around. “Not that I care, but where’s…”
“Chekov’s gone to meet Irina, and Del’s high,” Sulu informed them flatly
“Tattletale,” the Cajun chided.
Paget frowned. “Was I just talkin’ to myself when I said no sapphire?”
“This isn’t sapphire,” Ruth said, sitting down next to Del, her eyes full of concern.
“No,” Sulu confirmed. “For one thing, he’s hallucinating.”
DelMonde grinned. “Or so you hope.”
“What the fuck, NC?” Paget said, keeping his voice low. “Do I have to give you a list of what you’re not supposed to take?”
“Yessir, Daddy Paget,” the Cajun mocked as he avoided Ruth’s touch. “You wanna hold my hand while I take a piss too, so I not fall in?”
“Jesus,” the security officer breathed.
“Del,” Ruth offered, reaching out, “I can heal this.”
“No!” He warned her away with a peculiar, too wide gesture that didn’t actually made contact. “I not want you to! Why I wanna be healed of bein’ more well than I ever been my entire miserable life?”
“It’s the xenoneurophene,” Daffy explained to no one in particular. “Frequently it produces a euphoria…”
“Damn, woman, is that all I am to you?” Del was saying, heedless of the chemist. “Is the only time you care ‘bout me when I sick an' weak in my mind? Do you only love the way I make you feel strong?”
“Del, that’s not fair,” Ruth protested almost automatically. She was distracted by the effort it took to try to process the impressions she was getting from him. It was as if her ex-lover was simultaneously present and absent. She could sense a strength there, but the normal radiating emotional energy - the psychic signature of Del – was muted, as if somehow his mind was in shadow. “You know that’s not what I want.”
“An' you know what I want,” he replied intensely.
“NC, I think we all know what you want,” Paget said, looking around to see if they were in danger of gathering a crowd. “But now’s neither the time nor the place..”
“Lemme touch you,” the Cajun asked softly, with eyes for no one else in the entire cosmos but the woman kneeling next to him. “Oh, my sweet honey sunshine girl, let me touch you.”
Ruth opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. The whole universe seemed to go unfocused. The only things that were clear were the night black eyes in front of her.
“My darlin’ angel love,” Del crooned. “Lemme touch you. Lemme taste your sugar soul.”
Physically, he wasn’t getting any closer, but somehow he was managing to surround her.
“Allons, ma cher,” he whispered. “Come on, my golden honey love. Lemme touch you. Lemme take you like no man ever has… ever will. Lemme drink deep from your golden crème-covered heart. Lemme bathe in your sugar sweetness, darlin’ one, ma cher, my sweet, my girl, my only love. Come to me.”
The rest of the universe was now very far away. The glowing strength that was Del was drawing close.
“I make love to your soul,” he promised. “I make you burn like a sun an' glow like a thousand coronas. My radiant, beautiful sunshine girl, come to me now.”
His hands were slowly reaching for her. It was becoming hard to breathe.
“Come on, sugar angel,” he urged softly. “Burn wit’ me now. We feed on each other till there nothin' left. We consume all the universe an' send it to Hell…”
Ruth felt herself falling, falling, falling.. Then she felt something welling up inside her. A word. Quickly it grew within her until it burst out -- “NO!”
She wasn’t sure what it was that yanked her back from the brink. Spock. Zehara. Both. Neither. She was merely glad of it as she sat back catching her breath.
Although she’d not touched him, Del, too, looked like he’d been knocked backwards. His face was darkening, becoming hard, like a courgat denied its kill.
She tensed to parry his counterattack.
“There you are!” Diona cheerfully joined the tight knot of Starfleet officers as if she hadn’t noticed that they had just been in the midst of a psychic battle.
Sulu shook himself and watched his friends do the same. It was as if all his own thoughts and feelings had momentarily become so insignificant that even he could no longer be bothered to be aware of them. He felt like he was waking up after having had a very vivid dream about Del and Ruth.
Diona was smiling and holding out the boshzier out to the engineer. “Everyone’s anxious to hear you play. Can we talk you into a song?”
Del held onto Ruth’s gaze for a final seething moment, before breaking off eye contact
“Why not?” he replied bitterly as he rose. “I gotta be good for somet'ing, non?”
The chamber deep in the heart of Dreamland Station that Madvig and the others led him to had probably once been a very staid and respectable conference room. The Sevrinites had of course removed all the chairs and replaced them with rugs and pillows. The tables they had kept to recline on or under. About twenty of the be-flowered vagrants lounged about the room. A trio was playing instruments.
Chekov looked around trying to memorize the faces. He noted the presence of the Catullan ambassador’s son seated in what seemed like a prominent position on a tabletop. He also recognized a pretty blonde musician as the one who had played a duet with Spock on the Enterprise. In the end, though, he only had eyes for one face…
“Irina...” the name came forth from him like a groan. Her quirky beauty still had the same effect on him it had always had. He longed to touch her, to kiss those sweet lips.
Those lips did not smile and her startlingly light-colored eyes were cold and distant.
“Rejoice, brethren!” Madvig was exclaiming, as she entered triumphantly giving the “One” sign to the assembly. “I bring new brothers and sisters to revel in our cause!”
Chekov stayed at the doorway as Madvig’s friends rose to greet her. He felt chilled and confused. In all the times he’d imagined this moment in the past few weeks, he’d never thought that Irina would be angry with him. Why should she be angry with him?
Tongo Rad’s smile was cynical as he crossed his arms and stepped towards the navigator. “So the Enterprise officers who stood by when our leader was killed now want to join us?”
“Brother Rad,” Lace chided gently. “They stood by us on Kostas. They drew arms on their own people to save us.”
“Yes,” Madvig came back to stand by Chekov. “All of them have declared for our cause.”
“All?” The cluster of Sevrinites parted to make a path for Irina as she made her way slowly through them.
Chekov could feel his heart beating hard against his chest. It would do no good to lie to her. She knew him too well.
He remained silent as Madvig put a supporting hand on his shoulder. “Yes, they all want to become One.”
The lavender-haired Catullan gave the navigator a critical once over and then snorted. “And you think we can trust these Herberts?”
“Why shouldn’t we?” Lace asked, her voice still gentle. “Their actions on Kostas make it impossible for them to return to their old lives. We offered to take them to safety elsewhere, but they’ve chosen to stay.”
“We have had to deal with spies before,” Irina asserted. Chekov forced himself to meet her eyes.
“They’re not spies, Sister,” Madvig responded. “We’ve lived with them for almost two weeks. They’re not spies.”
“Yeah,” Phen said, taking a comfortable position on one of the scattered pillows. “All spies do is ask questions and make nice. All these cats want to do is fuck and fight… and they’re really good at both.”
“And you, Pavel Andrevitch,” Irina said, stepping so close to him that he could smell the flowers in her hair. “Do you truly want to be a follower of Dr. Sevrin now?”
Chekov had to clear his throat and look down before he could answer. “As she said, I have no where else to go.”
She tilted her head to one side. “The correct thing to do would be to turn yourself in to the proper authorities, would it not?”
The room seemed stiflingly quiet. They were all too close to him. “Yes,” he admitted softly.
“And why have you not done so?”
“I…” It was no good. She knew the lie that was dying in his throat under her unwavering gaze. It was useless to speak it.
“Perhaps when you found that I was here, you were thinking that you would come along and then take me with you when you made your way back to your Federation masters?”
“Irina…” he pleaded.
She stepped back from him. “This man has no love for our cause,” she announced to her fellows. “He never has and he never will. It is not in his nature.”
“You don’t understand,” Lace defended. “He could be an asset to us,”
“He could betray us,” Galliulin shot back. “And he will betray us when given the opportunity.”
“He was there when the Great Man died,” Madvig said. “He can help us tell our story to the people like no one else.”
“Not if he rejects our beliefs,” Irina said. Locking her eyes on to his, she stepped towards the Russian again. She held up the “One” sign, giving him the opportunity to respond in kind.
Madvig and Lace quickly followed suit, smiling encouragingly as they demonstrated what he must do to prove his complicity. One by one all the Sevrinites held up the sign.
Chekov flexed his fingers dutifully, but when he looked into Irina’s piercing blue eyes, the movement died. His hand remained limply at his sides.
“Maybe he just needs the proper opportunity to embrace our beliefs.” Tongo Rad stepped back and then returned with a pair of thick white bands.
“What are you going to do with me?” Chekov asked as he numbly allowed the bands to be snapped around his wrists.
“Nothing, Herbert,” Rad answered, smiling crookedly. “You’re just going to be our very special guest.”
The bitterness echoed inside Del’s head and he realized that he missed the too-full feeling that would have allowed him to lock all the pain behind anguish of a different sort. Fool, you really t'ink you strong enough t' get past her shields?
But I almos' did, didn’t I? If I’da pushed a little harder, if the damn Loonie hadn’a come along when she did…
He closed his eyes, slowly fingering the strings of the boshzier. He could still see the hard wall around Ruth’s mind, emblazoned with the harsh, glowing “NO!” He shifted his attention, his anger threatening to overwhelm him, and realized he could also still see Kam’s angels – and the gris-gris – and Papa Lem-bay – all floating around the helmsman as if just waiting for the right moment to swoop down and carry him away. Del found himself wondering what was keeping them at bay, then detected a faint silver thread that came out of Kam’s heart like some android’s data stream.
I bet I know where that go, he thought, and suddenly knew what song he was going to play for the Loonies.
Sulu put a friendly arm around Ruth’s shoulder, pulling her from her knees to lean against him in apparent casual familiarity. “This isn’t good, is it?” he murmured in her ear, smiling as a cover for his worry.
For her part, Ruth snuggled to his neck, murmuring, “No, it’s bad. It’s very bad. But I don’t know what he’s on.”
“He took a couple of pills from a bottle he’s got,” Sulu returned. “Maybe Daffy can…”
The music began bright and fast, Del using all his skill to force the mood out from the instrument. People were clapping in time with the beat before he even started singing, and Sulu tried to catch Daffy’s attention.
If you’re down an' confused
An' you don’t remember who you talkin’ to
Concentration slip away
'Cause your baby is so far away
The words grabbed Sulu’s attention almost as if someone had slapped him in the face with them. He glanced at Del to find the Cajun staring at him, an evil smile playing about the sensual lips.
Well there's a rose in the fisted glove
An' the eagle flies wit' the dove
An' if you can't be wit' the one you love, honey
Love the one you wit'
The Eden-heads exploded with laughter, applauding the open sentiment. Sulu felt himself flushing. Del knew all about his less than savory experiences at the Clave and at the Penthouse – Del had, in fact, shared some of them with him. The song was too appropriate, and Sulu recalled how the engineer had done the same thing with music on the Shambala. Only then, it hadn’t been aimed at him.
Don't be angry - don't be sad
An' don't sit cryin’ over good times you had
There's a girl right next to you
An' she jus' waitin’ for somethin’ to do
More laughter, snickers and knowing nods, and Ruth buried her face against his chest as if simultaneously delighted and embarrassed. Sulu hugged her, laughing himself, desperate to hide from the hunger that was searing through his veins. His blood screamed for amber, for the release that would allow him to – fuck up again? And with Ruth? No, damn it, NO!
Suddenly he heard Ruth’s voice in his head, soothing, hurting for him. I know just how you feel, Roy, she said. But we don’t have to let him do this to us. We can play it just like we used to and know it’s for the mission. But there was a feeling of sorrow in her thoughts that wasn’t his, and he caught an echo of another song… something in my heart died last night, one more chip off an already broken heart…
The Eden-heads were up and dancing, pulling Jeremy and Daffy and Sakura up to join them. Del’s voice was hoarse, his accent deliberately thickened.
Turn your heartache right into joy
She a girl an' you're a boy
Get it together, make it nice
Ain't gonna need anymore advice.
Ruth suddenly bolted up out of Sulu’s arms, pulling her with him. Her eyes were tear-filled, but she was smiling. She started dancing, leaping toward the Loonies, and with heartfelt relief, Sulu followed her lead.
An' there's a rose in the fisted glove
An' the eagle flies wit' the dove
An' if you can't be wit' the one you love, honey
Love the one you're wit'
Love the one you're wit'
Love the one you're wit'
The entire group helped Del finish the song with harmonized syllables, then burst into whoops and applause and renewed laughter. Ruth rushed over to DelMonde, apparently hugging him in joyous appreciation, but Sulu saw the Cajun’s eyes darken at her whispered words.
Love The One You're With by Stephen Stills