“Ah, this the life, ‘ey, mon ami?” René DelMonde sighed as he took another swig from a bottle of rum.
“I end up drunk on a beach?” The engineer nodded. “This ain’t no bad movie.”
Just as Takeda had stowed his samurai swords in the small rowboat, Del had stolen a good supply of the Enterprise’s grog, and a couple of bottles of the captain’s fancy rum, along with a few packets of salted pork, a bag of potatoes and even a case of the dreaded limes,
Del shrugged. “Maybe I figurin' on findin' some tequila an' makin' some margaritas…”"Limes prevented those on long ocean voyages from contracting the vitamin deficiency known as..." Chekov began.
"Shut up!" Several people called.
as well as a small barrel of gunpowder and a box of shot pellets for his pistol. It, and the fish they could catch, would be enough, he figured, to tide them over until they could settle themselves in one of the lesser-known ports, or even in a native village, after the Royal Navy stopped looking for them. He knew the Navy would expend some effort to that effect; though not officers, both he and Takeda were indentured to Royal service for an indefinite period of time. But the fact that they weren’t officers would make that search a lackadaisical one.
“We set, mon ami,” the engineer assured the helmsman."Not as long as Jilla's still holed up with Ming," Sulu responded grimly.
When his companion didn’t answer, he gave the shorter man a nudge. Také grunted, but continued to stare across the short expanse of ocean to the shores of WaqWaq island.
“Oh, you gonna fuck this up, ain’t ya?” the Cajun frowned.Sulu frowned back and tightened his arms around his lover.
They hadn’t been able to land there the night before: an inexplicably heavy fog had rolled in, preventing them from steering to a safe beachhead, and they’d been forced to make landfall on another of the small islands. Del was just as glad of it, but Také had spent the night restless and edgy. They hadn’t unloaded the boat, the Asian insisting on making another attempt to reach WaqWaq the next evening. It was too dangerous to be in open waters during the day, knowing the Enterprise was patrolling, looking for the abducted Lieutenant Chekov and the pay chest.
“Hangin' not mean not'ing to you?” DelMonde asked.The helmsman remained tightlipped and focused on the screen.
The Cajun sighed.
Del sighed.
The audience giggled.
Whatever Také had heard the night before was preying on his mind. The Frenchman had tried to talk to him about it, and received only scowls and haunted looks. Del himself had tried to get a rise out of his friend, railing against the life they’d both been shanghaied into. It was his contention that Commodore Kirk was unnaturally fixated on the pirate vessel, the Raven.
“I not t'ink it all that unnatural,” the engineer muttered, trying to keep his voice low enough not to be overheard by his superior officer.Jade made another note on her board and the Cajun scowled.
"That were a compliment," he informed her.
The doctor gave him a serene smile.
The Enterprise had spent months following her, engaging in skirmish after skirmish, never being beaten, but never managing to capture the ship or her crew either.
“Any true man can see he more'n sweet on Cap’n Han,” Del stated.
“See, I not dumb,” the Cajun observed sotto voce.There were giggles and sage nods of agreement and Han made more notes.
“He won’t catch her ‘cause then he hafta turn her over t’ the Navy. But he not let her get too far outta his sight, neither. So we spend all our time chasin’ an' fightin wit’ her while she steal our pay right out from under Kirk’s nose.” He snorted. “If he jus’ take her an’ have his way, our lives mighta been bearable.”
"Here here!" McCoy declared.“Oh, hell, son,” the engineer winced at his onscreen persona with a wary glance over his shoulder. “You gonna get me killed here.”
“Not under Chekov,” Také suddenly put in.
“Definitely not under Chekov,” the Cajun agreed. “Ever.”"Don't knock it till you've tried it," Daffy retorted smugly, then both and she and Ruth said, "But ewww!"
“Oh, you not start me on that charonge,” Del answered. “If there a more spit-n-polish man on the face o’ God’s earth, I not wanna meet him. Why he think he so superior when he bend over fo’ Kirk ev’ry chance he get…”
The Russian turned and glared at his roommate. “Must you?”“This jus' a movie,” Del reminded him loudly enough for his captain to overhear. “This not me sayin’ not'ing.”
That got a chortle from the Asian, and Del smiled.
“I know, mon ami, you not see nothin’ wrong with that. But when it turn a man into an obsequious, obnoxious li’l toad…”
“I think he was an obsequious, obnoxious toad before he became the Commodore’s catamite,” Také ventured.
“Just a movie,” Sulu seconded as his helmpartner turned wounded eyes to him.
“You prob’ly right,” Del agreed. “Wonder how many Russian bastards he took on 'fore he joined Her Majesty’s service.”
“A kinda funny movie,” the Cajun had to admit.
When there was no further response from Také, he sighed again. The Asian again had the far away look in his eyes, his face set in a slight frown as though he was trying to recapture the rapturous sound of the ‘call’ he’d sworn he heard.
“Just hold on, babe,” Sulu smiled to the Indiian in his arms.
“Yeah, all right,” the Frenchman said to himself. “As soon as it get dark, we try again." Then he set about working on the bottle of rum in earnest.
“Leas' I got my priorities right,” DelMonde decided.
Of course, when the sun did set, Del was drunk enough to be obnoxious himself.
“That’s a shock,” Ruth observed wryly.
“I'm not believin' in no ghosts,” he began as he again faced Takeda, rowing toward WaqWaq, “but why we gotta go? Why we gotta bother that old Chinaman when he ain't botherin’ us? I think you done gone crazy, boy. Has the sun done got your head?”
“Yes,” the Cajun answered his screen image.
Takeda glared at him.
Sulu caught himself glaring at Del.
“An’ I not believin’ in no magical call neither,” the Frenchman railed on. “I not hear a damn thing last night – an’ if you did, what makes you think it not the Chinaman’s doing, lurin’ us to God knows what?”
Still there was no response from his companion.
“God’s blood, Také, can we jus’ talk ‘bout this? Why you think we gonna get close tonight when there was that damned fog? Why you think it a good idea to go to that cursed island? What you think you gonna find there?”
“Jilla,” Sulu informed the screen adamantly.
“If you’re so worried about the Chinaman,” Takeda said evenly, “it might be a good idea to lower your voice. Or do you want to announce ourselves to all the spirits in the world?”
“Spirits,” Del snorted. “Ain’t no such things.”
“Wouldn’t be so sure about that in this movie, sugar,” Uhura warned.
“Maybe not in your gaijin seas,” Takeda answered.
“Yeah, you Japaners know so much more than us poor Christians….” Del sneered.
“Oh, Sweet Mary.” Del rolled his eyes at his doppelganger. “Now this jackass gonna start talkin’ religion…”
Takeda shrugged diffidently. “You know it too. You just let your churchmen talk you out of it – except when it comes to burning or hanging poor women for witches.”
“Don’t be goin’ there, Také,” Del warned, and crossed himself.
“Superstitious nonsense,” Takeda replied.
“Witches are real, mon ami…” Del began.
“No, I meant that gesture,” Také said with a grim smile. “Do you really think any god who was killed on a cross would be invoked by a gesture of that death?”
“Don’t let no nun hear you say that,” the Cajun advised.
Del’s forehead creased as his automatic response was cut off by the unnerving thought.
“Damn monkey,” he muttered.
Takeda ignored him and continued to row.
“Think I won that round,” Sulu nodded with a smile.
The tip Sahin had given the Raven was an exciting one: a Spanish Galleon just off the coast of Barbados.
“Finally we get to some real swashbuckling,” Ruth grinned.
MeiLin ordered the crew to steer around the windward side of the island: the lighter, more maneuverable frigate would catch the heavy galleon in no time. As usual the Jolly Roger was lowered, one of the many false flags hoisted up the pole. It was almost never a good idea to announce one’s intentions.
Cat and Riko sharpened the blades. There was no need to load the cannons, or the pistols – that had been done in preparation for the encounter with the Kirat. Excitement was running high, the crew having been cheated out of battle with the corsairs. The prospect of a fully-laden Spanish ship filled each of the crew with eager blood-lust.
“S’pecially ol’ Buckets O’Blood Valley,” Del observed sourly.“Damn straight,” the Antari confirmed. “And I’m not old.”
When the galleon came in sight, MeiLin ordered them to come up fast and openly. The fact that they were flying a Dutch flag would lull the Spaniards. By the time the great ship hailed them, it would be too late for them to adequately arm themselves.
The plan went off without a hitch. The Raven was close enough for her crew to swing across the expanse of water between the ships on ropes. MeiLin watched the captain cup his hands around his mouth and gave the signal. At once the black and white skull and crossbones replaced the red and yellow stripes of the Netherlands and MeiLin’s crew sailed through the air, weapons in belt and teeth, landing on the deck of the galleon with blood-curdling yells.
“We rock,” Sakura Tamura decided, as her onscreen self rushed forward brandishing a weapon that was almost as long as she was tall.“Damn straight!” Tara Ryan grinned.
The surprised Spanish crew ran for their own weaponry and the battle was engaged. The women of the Raven fought with vigor and true enjoyment, fierce and skilled, having no qualms whatsoever about using the fact that their opponents undoubtedly hadn’t seen white women for months to their own good advantage.
“No mercy!” Ruth encouraged her pirate persona.MeiLin herself was cool and determined as she fought with the captain himself.
“Ol’ Cap’n Jade a helluva fighter,” Del observed, impressed.In the back of the auditorium, Dr. Han nodded. “Damn straight.”
She noted that he looked fairer than a Spaniard should, but didn’t let her curiosity distract her. In minutes that seemed far longer, the Raven’s crew was victorious.
“We rule!” Tamura exclaimed triumphantly in the midst of the audience’s cheers.
Riko led the defeated men to the hold,
“Oh, Ramon,” Monique pouted sympathetically. “That is you, is it not?”“I don’t like this movie,” her boyfriend sulked.
chaining them in while MeiLin confronted the captain.
“It’s Scotty! It’s Scotty!” Daffy burst out before she could stop herself.
“Now, good sir, we’ll have your entire treasure, if you don’t mind,” she said with a small smile. The captain shook his head. “I don’t know where you got your information, lass,” he said, and MeiLin placed his accent and his features. He was a Scotsman.
“That’s for certain,” the chief engineer confirmed.
“We’re but a supply ship for Her Majesty Queen Anne’s settlements.
“Boo!” Ruth yelled, realizing that her team had been tricked. “Boo!”
Captain Sean Scott at your service.”
“Liar!” Caitlin spat. “You fly Spain’s colors!”
“Keelhaul him! Keelhaul him!” Tamura yelled, then leaned forward so she could look down the row to where the engineer was sitting. “Sorry, Mr. Scott.”“’Tis just a movie, lass,” the Scotsman acknowledged.
“Aye, that we do,” Scott replied. “Tis safer till we’re well past the outer islands. No true galleon dares to stop a treasure ship.” He grinned. “But I’ll wager you know all about flyin’ false colors.”
“Aarrrggghhh!” Cat muttered, and behind her, the black Jasmine stuck out her tongue in disgust.
“Ooh, I got to say argh!” Ruth practically squealed in delight, then frowned. “Why don’t I have a parrot?”
“Who told you this tall tale, lass?” the captain asked MeiLin. When her face hardened, he chuckled. “Ah, t’was that Turk bastard, ‘ey?” He made the same mistake not two days ago.”
“Did he?” MeiLin said quietly. Her lips twitched. “It’s just as well we paid him in kind then.”
“Ooo!” the audience exclaimed.“That’s his ass,” Del decided.
Captain Kirk’s eyes twinkled as he solemnly folded his arms and nodded. “Damn straight.”
“You idiots!” Daphne Rosen hissed at the man who sat casually at her bar.
“Gage! Gage!” Daffy couldn’t stop herself from squeaking.
He and a very large, shirtless man
“Oh, my,” Uhura smiled.
had entered her inn, glanced around at the empty common room and exchanged glances. When Coriander approached, wiping her hands on her apron, to see if the gentlemen wanted a seat at a table, the large one gave her a quick but thorough once-over, then grabbed her.
“Par for that course,” the Communications Officer purred.
The handsome one had pulled a pistol and aimed it right at Daffy,
“Haven Cossack!” Chekov exclaimed, putting a protective arm around his girlfriend.
provoking the current tantrum. “Don't you know this town was raided three days ago?” she continued.
“Of course,” he’d replied amiably. “Open your cash drawer, if you would be so kind.”
“Lawless brigand,” the Russian snarled.“You tell him, bubee,” Daffy fumed. “And after all I’ve done for him…”
Chekov turned to her. “What?”
“Never mind,” the chemist quickly hushed. “Don’t make me miss my big scene.”
Daffy scowled, ringing open the drawer that she already knew was empty. The man leaned over the bar to peer into it. His eyebrow rose and she slammed it shut.
“What did I tell you?” she demanded.
“And have you a safe, my dear?” he asked.
“Of course I have a safe,” was her blistering response. “And it was cleaned out too!”
“You wouldn’t mind if I verified that, would you?”
“Bastard,” Daffy growled.“You not expectin' a Haven to trust you when you say you not go no money, do you?” Del pointed out.
Daffy showed her teeth. “Be my guest.”
She led him to her back room. Her small safe was still open. With nothing in it, she’d seen no reason to lock it again.
“I’m so poor,” Gollub pouted.
The man pursed his lips, then went back to the common room, again taking a seat at the bar. Daffy noted Cori was still struggling with the large corsair.
“If there wasn’t a porn filter on this thing, you’d see some struggling,” Uhura observed.
His hands seemed to be wandering rather lewdly.
“And there ya go,” Del confirmed.
“May I ask you a question, Miss….?” the man at the bar began.
“Rosen,” she said. “I’m the owner and proprietor of Sweetwater Inn.”
“And really poor,” Daffy mourned.
He gave a brief but dazzling smile. “And I am Yarbay Azim Sahin, the commander of the vessel Kirat, Mistress Rosen,” he acknowledged.
“Gage would pick a fancy mythological name for his ship,” Sulu observed.
“My question is this: Who was it who raided this town and took all your no doubt hard-earned coin?”
Daffy gave a disgusted snort. “Those witches of the Raven.”
“Oh, those vicked vitches,” Del said, shaking his head.“Don’t talk over my scene,” Gollub ordered.
“Really?” Azim Sahin sounded unamused. “I should have guessed.” He paused, then let out his breath in a long sigh. “Well I hope Captain Han enjoyed her little joke – as much as she enjoys the surprise I've arranged for her.”
“She still gonna skin his ass,” Del predicted.
“You wouldn’t be interested in a meal, or a drink, would you?” Daffy asked hopefully.
“Daphne!” Chekov scolded.“Hey, I’m broke,” the chemist protested. “A girl has to make a doubloon where she can.”
“No, I’m afraid not. We have business to attend to. But I do thank you for your gracious offer, Mistress Rosen.” He rose, glanced at his man, then brought the barrel of his pistol to his lips. “May I ask the name of your charming slave?”
“Oh, hell no,” Uhura frowned.
“I no slave!” Cori cried furiously. “I my own woman, free an’ clear!”
“Forgive me,” Sahin said with a gracious bow. “Your assistant, then, Mistress Rosen?”
“Her name is Cori,” Daffy said, giving him a suspicious look. “Coriander Freedom. Why?”
“Ah,” Chekov nodded. “Just as in Swahili Uhura means…”His girlfriend gave him a light smack on the back of the head. “Stop talking during my scene.”
Sahin smiled. “Well, we have to call her something, don’t we?” He gave another small bow, then turned on his heel. The large man followed – with Cori still in his enveloping grip.
The Communications officer grinned. “Oh, that man and his enveloping grip…”Ruth and Sulu chuckled as Del sniggered, then quickly fell quiet as Jade made another notation.
“Hey!” Daffy shouted over Cori’s shrieks of protest. “HEY!”
“We can’t have our efforts be a total loss, Mistress,” Sahin called, and the large man chuckled.
Daffy rushed him, and was pushed down to the floor with but a lazy, one-armed shove.
“Unprincipled ruffians!” Chekov objected.
She screeched and got to her feet, only to be met with Sahin’s pistol leveled right at her.
“Uncivilized hooligans!” the navigator growled.“Wonder how many ways he dream up t' say ‘bastard’,” Del commented.
“Most unwise, Mistress Rosen,” the corsair said, his white teeth grinning at her. “Faik, take her to the ship,” he told his cohort. He kept his aim steady until Cori’s voice could no longer be heard. Then he backed away, disappearing into the night.
“Larcenous Cossacks!” the Russian fumed.“And I’m sooooo poor!” his girlfriend wailed.
Caitlin and Yuriko insisted on searching the galleon just to be sure there were no hidden compartments. Scott looked on in amused tolerance until the women returned from below decks, both scowling.
“Not a God-cursed thing of value on th’ whole God-rottin’ ship!” Cat announced. “When I get me hands on that twice-damned Turk…!”
“What?” Ruth said in response to her husband’s raised eyebrow.“Your character has a remarkable command of appropriately colorful colloquialisms,” the Science Officer remarked.
“Arrgh,” Valley confirmed.
“Indeed,” the Vulcan agreed.
“Cap’n, Enterprise off the port bow!” Riko interrupted. “She’s comin’ up fast!”
“It’s a trap!” Jasmine cried.
“Oh, that it fo’ you pirate vitches,” DelMonde predicted.“Wanna bet?” chorused Valley, Ryan, and Tamura in near unison.
“The dev’l take those heathen corsairs!” Cat snarled. “They set us up!”
MeiLin bit her lip, quickly assessing the situation. Her crew had just fought a fierce battle, and with no bounty to show for it, would be disheartened as well as weary. The Enterprise men would be fresh and the galleon was not prepared for a skirmish. She glanced at Caitlin. The woman’s purple eyes grew wide.
“Ram the scurvy swabs!” Ruth protested.“Lass,” Scott reproved. “You do realize it’s the Enterprise ye be talking about?”
“It’s just a movie, Scotty,” Valley reminded her fellow officer before turning back to the screen and grumbling. “Poxed lubbers…”
“Cap’n…” she began.
MeiLin sighed and lowered her pistol. “Crew, to me!” she called, and waited till all eyes turned to her. “This is the day we’ve talked about, the day we planned for. It’s time to put down our weapons.”
“Awwww!” a majority of the audience groaned in protest.“I told ya,” the Cajun shrugged.
Cat growled in futile frustration. The cries of “Cap’n no!” sounded from her other women.
“It’s the best choice,” MeiLin replied to them. At their hesitation, she arched her eyebrow and folded her arms.
“That’ll settle their hash,” McCoy predicted gleefully.
There were a few grumbles, but, with resigned sighs, each one obeyed her.
“Avast, Belleza Del Mar!” came the call across the waves. “Prepare to be boarded, on authority of the Queen’s Majesty!”
MeiLin stood quietly as she gestured for Captain Scott to answer.
“Aye, Enterprise!” he called, cupping his hands and stepping to the railing. “Come ahead!”
Kirk was the first one over the plank. His gold-brown eyes flashed with anger as he strode straight to MeiLin.
“Oh, this is gonna be priceless,” the Chief Medical Officer grinned.
She gazed up at him, her expression unreadable as his men surrounded her crew, though she could hear Cat’s steady string of muttered curses.
“MeiLin you've gone too far this time,” Kirk snarled at her.
“Have I?” she asked innocently.
“Look at her bat those lashes,” McCoy chortled as he was studiously ignored by Han and the Captain.
He bristled. “Stealing a navy payroll, abducting – maybe killing my first officer...”
“Pytor is missing?” MeiLin interrupted.
“She knows my character’s name!” Chekov exclaimed.This only earned him another smack.
“Daphne, I am certain that’s no indication of any sort of an illicit relationship,” he protested.
“Daf,” Sulu assured his friend, saving his helmpartner a second smack, “everyone is positive of that.”
That seemed to take the wind out of Kirk’s sails for a moment, but he quickly recovered. “As if you don’t know that,” he accused.
“No, John, I know nothing about it,” she replied with a softness that stopped the Commodore in his tracks.
McCoy bounced on his toes with glee. “I’ll bet it did.”
“And I’m sorry to hear it. Tis my sincere hope that nothing untoward has happened to the fine lad.”
The Cajun shook his head. “Ain’t no accountin’ fo’ taste…”"I think she's just softening him up," Sulu whispered. His mouth twisted into a lascivious grin. "Or the opposite, as the case may be."
"That so?" Del returned, glancing over his shoulder.
"It's a sound strategy," the helmsman and security chief assured.
"Sides which, it th' only possible reason fo' complimentin' th' dumb fuck," Del finally agreed.
She took a step closer to him, consciously taking a slow, deep breath. He smelled of smoke and powder and salt.
Dr. Han pretended to work on a particularly engrossing note.
“We’ve both been led a merry chase, I’m afraid,” she continued. “We were sent to this fine vessel as a prize, only to find her holds empty. You were sent here, and my guess is by the same party, expecting to find your lost pay chest, which my crew does not have and has not seen.” She rose up just a little on her toes, whispering into his ear.
“Woooo!” the crowd whistled.
“T’was the Turk, was it not, John?” she murmured. “Can you not see it? This is all a trick. The corsairs have set us up, the both of us. They're doubtless the very ones who stole your payroll. This little double-cross was to convince you of their loyalty and of my guilt, but they're the ones who are scheming.”
She again rested fully on her feet, staring intently into his eyes. She watched him swallow, saw the longing cross his face.
The audience continued their catcalls as the captain cleared his throat and the doctor scribbled furiously.
She gave a tentative half smile, then bit her lip, lowering her gaze.
“You see, we’ve not resisted, John,” she whispered. “Would we be doing that if we had aught to hide?”
Ruth Valley made a face. “When are we going to get past this mushy stuff and back to pillaging?”"You wouldn't say that if you were being all mushy with Ming, sugar," Uhura informed her.
"But then we all hafta puke," Del remarked. "Or should I be sayin' 'God's blood, we'd all be heavin' up our god-rottin' guts for sure, aye matey, arrrrgghhh!'"
"Fuck off!" was Ruth's more than modern reply.
“MeiLin, I...” Kirk began, and his breath caught. She quickly glanced up again, vulnerable and perhaps a touch frightened. That he was all too aware of her beauty was clear in his expression
McCoy’s grin was threatening to crack his face in two. “Here we go…”
– then he seemed almost to shake himself and MeiLin could near hear him remembering his duty.
“Awww!” cried several disappointed romantics in the crowd. Even Jilla gave a small, sad, tremulous sigh.
“The truth of the matter will be settled in a court of law,” he said sternly, “not here. By the Queen’s authority in these waters, MeiLin Han, I place you under arrest. You and your crew will come with me.”
“My fair John,” she murmured, “there's nothing more I'd rather do.” Far too quickly for Kirk to react in any way other than to grasp her small body to his, MeiLin threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Kirk rubbed his chin as his crew burst into sustained applause and catcalls.“The film does seem to be having an effect on morale, doctor,” he observed to Han who was still very busy with her clip board.
“Yes,” she replied, the picture of professionalism, despite her warmly glowing cheeks. “Precisely as we planned.”
“Precisely,” McCoy grinned