Sulu was gone when the yeoman moved the last of Jilla’s things into his quarters. Paget had grinned at her, calling her “ma’am,” and she’d blushed, which had widened his grin. She put her things away as unobtrusively as she could so as not to detract from the carefully constructed environment of Sulu’s home. There was an unequaled joy within her, one that made the pain of Farrell’s assault bearable. Spock had wanted her, she knew. Spock would have preferred that she be the one sharing his cabin rather than Ruth. But Sulu had chosen her, had wanted her to remain with him. There had been no hesitation, no negotiation. “Jilla stays with me.” She felt a small twinge of sorrow for Ruth, but she knew that Ruth still needed something beyond Sulu. And, of course, Sulu knew it, too, and gave Ruth what she needed.
Just as he has given you what you need.
Ecstasy soared in her with the memories - how he had killed Farrell with utter disregard for his own safety or position. How he had been so fiercely protective, yet so gentle. How he had told Paget to see that she was kept safe even while he recklessly confronted Kirk. And the words. The blessed words when she woke, fearful, crying for him.
He had said, “I love you.”
Repeating it, a soothing chant, healing and magical. I love you, Jilla. I’ll never let it happen again, never. I love you, little one. I love you.”
That he loved Ruth didn’t matter. That he wanted Marlena didn’t matter. What he had done to Diane Jaris didn’t matter. He had told her, he’d said it, and his voice was a constant echo in her mind.
I love you.
“I love you,” she whispered back, the joy overwhelming her. She curled up in his bed, nesting in the blankets, reveling in the strong sense of his presence. It eased the pain in her arm and throat, it soothed the bruising and the memory of Farrell’s brutal penetrations. I love you.
She heard the hiss of the opening door and, despite her injuries, flew to Sulu’s arms, thanking him with quiet intensity.
“Nice change, Boss,” Paget chuckled, and Sulu smiled.
“I thought so.”
“Have a nice day off.”
“I plan to.” The dark eyes gleamed. “I may call for you later, Jeremy.”
Paget shuddered, but nodded. “Yes, sir.”
The door closed and Sulu gently pulled away from Jilla’s embrace. “All moved in, hon?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied demurely. “Thank you.” He grinned. She gazed into his eyes. “Please, say it again.”
The ebony light grew. “Say what, Jilla?”
“Tell me you love me.”
“Do you need it?”
She shivered. “Oh yes!” she whispered.
He kissed her, lifting her into his arms, carrying her to the bed. “You say it first,” he teased.
Her response was total abandonment. “I love you!”
He laughed, kissing her again, caressing her. It grew quickly passionate. She used all she knew, all he had taught her to please him, ignoring the pain, refusing to let it interfere with his pleasure. But he was careful, he eased her body into positions that would reduce the pressure on her injuries. He kept the desire slow and controlled, his kisses soft, his embrace light. She felt a moment of panic, but Sulu hushed her, whispering, “Just love me, Jilla.”
It was like no experience she had ever had. His passion was a banked fire, still powerful, but glowing and warm, not wild and hot and raging. The sensuality was just as strong, simply easy and unhurried. The peaks were as high, but swelling, rounded, not sharp and piercing. And after they had climaxed together, silent but for the uncontrollable cries, he added, “And know I love you.”
She wept, then, tears of joy fulfilled. He let her cry, smiling tenderly, kissing them away, until she slipped into blissful sleep.
Marlena was surprised to see Ruth when the Antari came into Sciences. The thought that Spock hadn’t immediately taken Ruth to his bed was one of relief, and her own insecurity annoyed her. She hadn’t realized how jealous she would be, even talking about it, until Valley’s things had actually been moved into Spock’s cabin. Is Jilla right? she found herself thinking. Do I actually love him?
Yet that Ruth was here was also proof that she didn’t want him, and that annoyed Marlena nearly as much. Why didn’t the Antari want him? What woman wouldn’t? He was handsome, he was rich, he was powerful, he was a Commander in Fleet, the First Officer of a successful starship, the heir to one of the most important Vulcan families...
You’re thinking Imperially, Marlena told herself sternly. And besides, you can’t have it both ways. Be pleased that they don’t want each other, and stop being annoyed because Ruth isn’t Imperial.
Except that not being Imperial is something Spock finds very attractive.
So be worried, but don’t be annoyed.
With a grimace, Marlena went back to her work.
It was almost half an hour later when McCoy’s voice came over the intercom, ordering Valley to Sickbay. Something about physicals. Marlena paid little attention, but something was tingling at the back of her mind as Ruth left. She tried to refocus her attention, but the feeling grew stronger. There was something odd, but what? Physicals were routine, especially when one looked like Ruth...
That was it. After the fiasco with Farrell, Jim would have never ordered something like that without consulting Sulu. And if it had been Jim’s orders, Jim, not McCoy, would’ve called for her. Spock? Why? There was no reason, and so Spock couldn’t have. Sulu himself? To annoy Spock? No, the alliance was too shaky right now, and Sulu wouldn’t risk Ruth like that. So McCoy was doing this on his own authority? No, McCoy never does anything on his own...
Uhura!
The thought came as a flash. Uhura was pulling her coup. Rand and Chapel were ripe for it. Marlena cursed herself for not thinking to mention to Spock and Sulu that it might be best if they did their replacing gently. But with how Spock feels about Chapel, with the contempt Sulu has for Rand, would it have done any good to mention it?
Marlena swiftly thanked the gods that they already knew the basics of Uhura’s plots and turned, racing to Spock’s quarters. She only hoped Uhura didn’t pull it off too quickly.
McCoy carefully checked the hypo before giving it to Chapel. The woman’s eyes were glittering coldly and he smiled at her.
“The poison’s a slow one, Chapel,” he told her. “Don’t get greedy and delay givin’ it. Her death will be a long, painful one. I guarantee it.”
Her answering grin was chilling. “I only wish that damned Vulcan could be getting it.”
“In time, I’m sure,” McCoy soothed contemptuously. “Now you keep out of sight until I’ve got her on the table.”
Chapel nodded and slipped into McCoy’s office. Neither she nor McCoy noticed Diane Jaris standing in one corner.
Ruth obeyed McCoy’s summons with little thought. She’d become used to orders that made no sense and hardly wondered about them anymore. She didn’t really believe things would change all that much, despite what had been said the night before.
Spock is getting you a guitar, her head reminded. And he said he wouldn’t use you...
He said he would prefer it to be with my cooperation and consent. Do you really think he’ll take ‘no’ for an answer?
So don’t say ‘no.’ He can make it good, you already know that.
Which still isn’t a real choice, is it?
She stopped the argument in her head, aware that to continue it would be threatening reality. If that happened, she’d have to crawl to Sulu, and she wanted to avoid that inevitability as long as possible, certainly longer than half a day.
“Reporting, Doctor,” she said as she entered Sickbay. She felt Jaris’ eyes, and pulled the automatic fear tightly inside herself. She was enough - Sulu had said she was.
Then why did he give you to Spock?
“At least you’re prompt,” McCoy grumbled. “Get up here, I’ve got to check you over.”
Ruth did, trying not to feel Jaris’ desolation.
“Now lay back, this won’t hurt. Much.” McCoy said, and Ruth closed her eyes.
The hiss of a hypospray brought her up and shrieking. Chapel’s face leered victoriously above her. McCoy murmured, “Goodbye, Miss Valley” - and the pain began.
Jaris had come for one reason, to get something to dull the pain. Seeing Sulu had made it too much to bear. She was prepared to beg, plead, service... anything she had to do to get McCoy or M’Benga or anyone to drug her enough to let her sleep away the empty anguish. She had heard all McCoy and Chapel had said, saw Ruth - and became frozen with horror. They were killing her, killing his Antari. No, they couldn’t, not one who was his, not one he loved! Not one who loved him! He could stop it, he could save her - if he knew.
Have to tell him.
Can’t.
Never go to him, he said never... She shuddered fearfully. Can’t let him lose her, he loves her! He has to save her, he has to know... have to tell him!
She closed her eyes, fighting the ruined tears. Sulu, forgive me. I have to come to you.
Her heart thundering, Jaris slipped out of Sickbay and ran to the turbolift, unaware that she had thought of herself as a person for the first time in over a year.
There was a commotion by the lift, and Paget moved toward it, carefully checking the corridor first to make certain it wasn’t a diversion. The deck guard was telling some woman that he hadn’t been informed she was wanted on the deck. The woman was nearly hysterical in her insistence... and he recognized the voice.
Diane Jaris.
His thoughts were immediately alert and searching. Had the Chief made any sign about this, anything indicating he was expecting it, or wanted it? No. Nothing. How in Tartarus was she here, then? She never dared approach -
Warning bells sounded urgently in Paget’s mind. For her to be here, fighting to see Sulu, there must be a catastrophe.
“Saxon,” he called to the guard, and Diane froze, her eyes locking on him imploringly. She saw promise of Sulu, Paget knew, and smiled briefly. “Let her come.”
Saxon shrugged. “Yes, sir,” he said, and moved aside, Diane’s movements were agitated and fearful as she raced after Paget to Sulu’s door. Paget turned to her.
“What can I do for you, Diane?” he asked.
She shivered. “I have to see him,” she whispered. “Jeremy, please, please! I don’t care what he’ll do to me, I have to talk to him, have to tell him - ” Her voice broke. “Please, Jeremy!”
He studied her warily. Did he dare? If Sulu gets angry, it won’t be just you he’ll do something to, honey, and I do care. But if he has given some sign, and I missed it, and don't let you see him, it might be worse. Boss, why do you do this to me? He took a deep breath.
“All right, Diane,” he said. But if it’s wrong, when he gets done with me, I’m coming after you. He turned and signaled through the door.
Sulu sat at his desk, working, only half his attention on the reports before him. Jilla was still sleeping, as peaceful as she could be. It was really a shame he had to spoil that contentment.
Why?
He answered the unconscious question before he realized it had been asked.
To repair the damage. To prove it.
Do you need to? She’s your woman, you don’t need to even let her out of the cabin if you don’t want to. She won’t have to learn to respond only to you if she can interact only with you.
I can’t risk that.
Why? Isn’t she enough just as she is? She begs for whatever you need to give her, accepting it, meaning it. It’s not a game to her. She begs you to love her. She loves you. You’ve never had it this far before. Isn’t this the end of it?
She doesn’t know. Not yet. We’ll see if she loves me then.
What more is there to know? You’ve said it to her.
What Del knows.
She knows.
No. She hasn’t seen the beast devouring itself. Del has. Del pulled me out. She wouldn’t.
Wouldn’t she?
I wouldn’t.
Stop it. It’s enough. You expect too much. Take what you can get, take the feast she offers. Gods, it feels so good, it has to be enough!
No.
Let it be enough!
No!
The self-hatred was so strong he nearly shouted it, and the pleading voice was pushed back into the cell of demons that was the center of his being and deliberately forgotten. He set his mind to devising the means of Jilla’s ‘repair,’ and was interrupted by the sound of the intercom.
“Boss,” Paget said, his voice hesitant, “Jaris is here.”
Diane. The demon escaped again, exchanging pain for the bitter disregard. Diane. So promising, so sweet. The only other taste of real substance... Other women were schemers, but Diane... He had made her love him because she had had substance. Like Jilla, like Ruth. And she had loved him, or so she had said. And he had had to know she needed him more than the fear, the same as Ruth and Jilla. “Don’t come to me until I call,” he’d said.
She never came back. She had never needed him more than she feared him. She had betrayed him. She had promised so much... she’d lied to him! And for that lie, he let her drown in her terror, let the fear become her only life. She had abandoned him, it was all she deserved.
And all he deserved. Who could love him, who could need him? Monster, demon, horror. How could he blame her? He should be the one left to drown...
So when Kirk didn’t destroy Halkan, when Spock got orders to kill Kirk, when Chekov’s stupid assassination attempt failed - as he knew it would - and Kirk wouldn’t be expecting another, he decided to take advantage of it all. And die trying. Not the Tantalus, he had seen that he was immune to that. But he knew Marlena would see that it was at least one-on-one. So in that one-on-one, he would make a very stupid move, leave himself lethally open, and Kirk would kill him. Or he’d be Captain. And Captains can die quite easily - especially with a Security section that had a lot of fear to avenge.
He harshly shoved the thoughts back. You see why? he shouted at them. It makes me weak! Or is suicide the action of a strong man? That’s why it isn’t enough! The anger filled him, cleansing him, the demon fleeing back to its prison.
“I’ll see her,” he told Paget, and was standing by the door when she came in. She didn’t look at him and he got the distinct impression she wanted to fall to her knees. He forced himself to gaze at, not through her.
“Have you come back, Diane?” he asked softly.
She shook her head. “I know I can’t,” she rasped. “I’m not enough. I can’t offer - ” She stopped, taking a breath. “They’re killing her,” she whispered.
Cold fear raced down Sulu’s spine. He grabbed Diane’s shoulders. She gasped at the touch, he could feel both fear and longing and ignored both. “Who?” he demanded.
“Ruth,” she answered breathlessly.
The fear became angry panic. “Where!”
Diane shuddered. “Sickbay...” She collapsed, grasping at him. “I’m sorry,” she begged. “I had to come, had to tell you - you love her, she’s enough - I had to come, gods, don’t you see? Hurt me, kill me, I defied you, I deserve it - I had to come, Sulu, I love you!”
She was sobbing, helpless, frightened - and relenting. She’d overcome the fear. It had taken far too long, and she no longer expected to be healed... but she had come. Bitter joy welled up in him, and he pulled her up, forcing her to meet his eyes. He stared into her, filling her, allowing her the first spark of life in over a year. Her tears renewed, grateful and adoring, and he kissed her. Her response was the blessing worship of a faithful penitent to a forgiving god. He pulled gently away. “No, Diane, you weren’t enough,” he said, and his hand reached for his phaser. “But you are now.”
The beam struck a figure radiant with holy joy. With the vaporization, Sulu condemned her to the special hell reserved for those who dared to love him.
“Lieutenant Moreau, Commander.”
Sepak’s voice brought Spock from a much needed meditation. The thought of Marlena pleased him, and he damned Kirk a second later when full awareness stopped the train of sensual reverie. Concern replaced the touch of frustrated anger when he saw Marlena’s face. She came to him, worried, anxious.
“Spock, it’s started. Uhura’s moving now, tonight,” she said. Concern changed to alert attention.
“How?” he asked.
“Valley was called to Sickbay. Uhura’s going to use her somehow. What should we do?”
Spock thought quickly. “Jim must be told, Sulu no doubt already knows. We must be ready for any attack.”
Marlena nodded. stared for a moment into his eyes. He gave her cheek a soft caress. “Quickly, Marlena,” he said. She turned toward the door as he replaced the weapons on his belt. It was Kirk’s foolishness that had been the catalyst. In Farrell’s death, Uhura saw a weakness, a division. The reassignment of Chapel and Rand could only have added to that perception. Uhura would have been a fool not to take advantage of it. He was a fool not to have anticipated it. He was heading out his door when a security alert rang out loudly through the ship. Uhura’s doing, or Sulu’s? He hoped for the latter. If the former, it might already be too late.
Sulu’s line to Security buzzed just as an alert klaxon went off. The disembodied voice informed the Chief of Security that there had been an assassination. The voice belonged to one of Uhura’s men, and Sulu swore vehemently. The coup, of course. He glanced at the bed. Jilla was sitting up, wide-eyed, but he had no time for her. He went to the door, through it, just as Paget turned toward him.
“Uhura’s little surprise,” he said coldly. “Come on, Jer.”
Paget’s phaser was out, and he nodded. They headed down the corridor. He ignored McCoy and Rand scurrying to safety, then saw Saxon. He thought again of Jilla. She’d be terrified, and he wanted her safe. “Saxon!” he called, and jerked his head toward his cabin. “Take care of her!”
“Yes, sir,” Saxon replied, and moved toward the door.
McCoy felt Rand stiffen as Sulu passed them, and his own heart beat faster. But the Security Chief took no notice of them. He was delighted that Paget was with him, but the delight faded at Sulu’s call to Saxon. How in Tartarus...
“Take care of her!”
Maybe the poor dear needs medical attention. McCoy smiled slyly and walked briskly toward Sulu’s cabin - after Sulu had rounded the curve in the corridor - telling Rand to wait, and look upset.
“When I give a sign,” he told her, “you come toward me complainin’ up a storm. Leave the rest to me.” Rand nodded.
Saxon, of course, tried to stop him. “You heard your Chief,” McCoy said. “I’m here to take care of his woman.”
“He didn’t say anything about...” Saxon began.
McCoy signaled to Rand. “Well, now, what in Tartarus do you think he meant, Ensign?”
“Leonard!” Rand protested loudly. “I’m tired of this, let the bitch die! If he hurt her so damn badly that she needs you to take care of her, and this moron is so afraid of him that he won’t let you in, she deserves it and so does he!”
Saxon turned to Rand, angry and insulted, ready to express his displeasure at his Chief’s former woman. As he did, McCoy pressed a hypo to his arm. He slumped and Rand opened the door and helped McCoy drag him inside.
“Well, get it over with,” McCoy grumbled as Rand pulled her knife. “This one’s already dead.”
Rand’s eyes were fiery. “Don’t wait for me, McCoy,” she hissed. “I’ll take care of his half-breed all right, but I’m going to wait right here for him.”
McCoy froze. “Rand, that’s not what Uhura...” he began.
“To Tartarus with Uhura! If she thinks I’m going to be meek little Security Chief’s woman for her, she’s got another think coming. I want to see him die!”
“You stupid cunt, don’t you understand...!”
“Don’t stand in my way, McCoy,” Rand warned, the knife glittering in her hand. “I can take care of you, too.”
Swearing under his breath, McCoy backed out the door. All was confusion around him, but one fact was very clear. If Sulu caught Rand - and he would - she’d talk. Uhura’s flawless plan was ruined. And there was only one way for him to get out with his skin: turn them all in before Uhura could get to Kirk. Stupid to trust a woman anyway. He moved quickly to Kirk’s quarters.
Sulu stopped in front of Spock as the Vulcan came out of his cabin.
“Uhura,” Sulu began.
“I know,” Spock replied. “Marlena is with Jim. What form?”
“Assassination,” Sulu replied savagely. “Ruth, if we’re too late.”
Spock noted the fury, the agony behind the coldly efficient eyes. More evidence for his theory. “I will go to...” he began.
“McCoy!” Sulu shouted suddenly. “Damn it, it’s both of them!” His voice hardened. “And Rand.” He grinned at Spock. “You’ll find Chapel in Sickbay.”
Spock nodded with realization and headed for the turbolift as Sulu pivoted back the way he came.
“Let me pass!” Uhura ordered the guard at Deck Five. He smiled.
“On whose orders?” he asked sweetly.
“Mine!” she snapped imperiously.
He laughed. “Since when are you Chief of Security?”
“Since tonight, Ensign,” she replied silkily. “Or do you want to die with Sulu?” The man looked warily at her. “He’s a dead man, mister, and you’ll be reporting to me in the morning.” She smiled. “Or to the Booth.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the guard stammered. The fear in him filled Uhura with a delicious sweetness, and she savored it for a moment before striding past him.
Kirk was furious at the news, and for a moment, Marlena was certain he was going to lash out at her. He swore bitterly to himself, and she knew he was damning the timing as much as the attempt. He would’ve been glad to let Uhura rid him of Sulu - only now he couldn’t afford to. She bit back the useless frustration. He was still angry over Farrell, but at least he was thinking. The alert was no surprise, and Kirk dressed, ready for the coming battle.
“Stay here, Marlena,” he said. “Uhura will...” The door signal sounded.
“McCoy, Captain, “ Riley said. “He says it’s urgent.”
Kirk glanced at Marlena. “A traitor to the cause?”
“Let’s find out,” Marlena answered. Kirk instructed Riley to let the doctor in. McCoy was white as he spilled out the details of Uhura’s plan.
“I wasn’t involved, Captain,” he finished. “Uhura approached me, but...”
“Understood, Doctor,” Kirk broke in. He glanced at Marlena, agreeing with the skepticism he saw in her eyes. “I won’t forget it.” McCoy looked relieved, as Riley opened the cabin door.
“Uhura, sir,” the guard said with a smirk.
Uhura strode past him, her face coolly triumphant. “Captain Kirk,” she began, then stopped as she saw McCoy. Kirk smiled, and signaled to Riley, who drew his phaser.
“You’re under arrest, Lieutenant,” he said smoothly.
“You pig!” Uhura spat at McCoy, her lovely face twisted into a mask of rage. McCoy flinched, and Kirk sneered at him.
“Take her to the Brig, Riley,” he ordered, then faced Uhura. “Sorry, dear,” he said. “I’ll miss you.”
Uhura screamed as Riley dragged her away.
Rand didn’t know if the Indiian was asleep, and didn’t care. The little thing was no match for her strength, and she was armed. She’s probably cowering if she is awake, she thought acidly, afraid of what Sulu will do. She laughed silently, and entered the bedroom. Anything Sulu’s done to you is nothing compared to what I’m going to do.
Jilla knelt on the bed, watching, waiting. She’d heard Rand’s voice, and the light gleamed off the knife the woman held. She wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t even angry. Stay away from his bed, she warned silently as Rand approached her.
“You’ve had one day,” Rand hissed. “It’s all you’re going to get.”
“Don’t touch his bed,” Jilla replied softly. Rand laughed.
“Holy ground? Then you’re the sacrifice on the altar!” She lunged, and all Jilla could perceive was travesty, blasphemy. She screeched in outrage and launched herself at the perversion before her.
Rand didn’t expect the attack, nor the savagery of it. She didn’t expect the Indiian to disregard her sprained arm and bruised body, or to ignore the slice of the blade across her breasts. Rand fell backward, still slashing, and the Indiian twisted the knife from her hand, not seeming to notice the edge cutting into her palm. She cried words in a language Rand did not understand, her hands coming around Rand’s throat, choking with impossible strength. Fear made Rand immobile. The shaft of light from the opening door and the voice accompanying it drove her into unconsciousness.
“Jilla!” Sulu shouted, damning himself as he caught sight of Saxon’s still body. He had been so afraid for Ruth, so worried - it was his love that had let him see McCoy and not connect it! Damn it, damn the weakness! And if both of them were dead, it would be his fault. Demons, leave me! he screamed in silent agony, and called Jilla’s name again, racing into the bedroom.
She was sitting on Rand’s chest, and she looked up at him, her eyes filled with righteous fury. “She tried to touch your bed!” she said, and her tone made it a mortal sin. Then he noticed the slashes on her breasts, the blood on her hand. He was at her side before he knew it, pulling her away from Rand.
“She tried to kill you!” he snarled. She looked bewildered.
“To kill...?” she began.
“Is she dead?” he asked. Fear replaced the confusion.
“No, I... Sulu, she came here! She doesn’t belong...”
He put her on the bed. “Good. Paget!” he called. Paget came in warily. “Take the bitch to the Brig,” he growled. “I’ll take care of her later. Then you get your ass back here and see that no one gets in here.” Paget nodded and Sulu turned to his medical supplies. He quickly bandaged Jilla’s wounds. They weren’t too deep, and while he was thankful for it, it wasn’t going to change the severity of Rand’s punishment one bit. He told Jilla to rest, that he wasn’t angry with her, that she had done the right thing.
She smiled, sighing, whispering that she loved him, and he damned the answering words that came to his mind, then headed for Sickbay.