Return to Valjiir Stories
Return to Valjiir Continum
"Good morning, Pavel."
"Good morning, Sulu. You're not eating?"
"Coffee's fine."
"That is not healthy."
"You're not my real mother."
"Suit yourself."
Uhura listened to the light conversation from the other table. There was half an hour before first shift started and she had hoped to glean some information from the helm partners before starting the watch. Their mutual 'good mornings' might mean they didn't actually end up spending the night together. Or it could mean they aren't ready for anyone else to know they did. But how to determine which it is - besides coming right out and asking?
"Did you read the innovations report?"
"Not all of it. I hate new designs. Two weeks in drills...ugh."
"And what is wrong with drills?"
"Boredom, my friend. After a couple of hours to get the finger-memory reprogrammed..."
"Not everyone is as quick to learn new things as you are, Sulu."
Was that a significant glance? I would have thought Pavel was going to be the one learning new things. Or was he being self-deprecating? Or - god I hope not - reproving.
"Or rely on finger-memory."
With that grin, it was definitely a double-entendre. But with Pavel's scowl...
"What is that you're eating anyway?"
"It is called latkes. Grated squash, eggs and flour fried in butter."
"Isn't that a little heavy for breakfast?"
"In Russia we know the importance of a hearty beginning to the day."
"In San Francisco we know the importance of not having a coronary before lunch."
They're back to teasing one another. That's a good sign.
"If you get much thinner, you will need to be strapped down to the helm so you will not blow away."
"I think I've got enough weight to me - for all practical purposes."
"And what of impractical purposes?"
"Those too. At least, so I hear."
"Do you? From whom?"
That's it!
Uhura stood up and took the few steps to the table at which Sulu and Chekov were seated. Now, how to approach. Sultry and knowing or straightforward? Twenty minutes before watch. I don't have time for sultry.
"How did your experiment go, Pavel?" she asked .
Sulu looked up at Uhura's blunt question. He knew better than to even attempt a shared glance with Pavel; the navigator would handle it as he saw fit which will tell me how he wants me to handle it. They hadn't discussed the events of the previous night except for a few brief sentences before exhaustion set in. The morning had been almost comically routine. They would've arrived at the mess hall together except that Pavel hadn't brought his shaving kit with him. There had been teasing about that, which the Russian had taken very good-naturedly, even to the point of pretending not to.
So it's your call, Pasha, Sulu thought. Let's see what you do with it.
"Well," Pavel began his reply, wiping his mouth on his napkin - you're driving me crazy and you don't even know it, Sulu thought - "I believe it yielded the information I needed." He looked up at Uhura and gave her a very sweet, innocent smile.
Sulu stifled his chuckle at the look of frustration that came into Uhura's eyes. "Would you consider it a success?" she returned, her voice carefully neutral.
"As this was only intended to be preliminary, I'm not certain there is any way to judge that as yet," Pavel told her.
Uhura's dark eyes narrowed. "And is there going to be further experimentation?" she growled from between clenched teeth.
"There has been no discussion of that."
Sulu froze, hoping his sudden dismay didn't show on his face. Uhura's glance flickered to him and she frowned.
"Be certain to keep me posted, Ensign," she said. "You know how interested I am."
"Of course, Lieutenant. Thank you for asking," Pavel rejoined politely.
"See you boys on the Bridge," Uhura called as she walked away from the table. "Ten minutes. Don't be late."
"Pav," Sulu began when Uhura was out of earshot, "I thought..."
"Not here, Sulu," the navigator responded, and Sulu couldn't read his expression. "After dinner."
Pavel looked up, his brown eyes curiously veiled. "I will come to you, agreed?"
"Sure, Pavel," Sulu said. "After dinner."
"You little tease, get in here!"
Pavel felt his arm grabbed and he was pulled suddenly into Uhura's cabin. He couldn't help smiling to himself. He had maintained a properly friendly attitude all day, dropping careful verbal innuendos but giving away no actual information, until he thought the lovely communications officer was going to burst.
"I am expected..." he began.
"To hell with that," Uhura snarled. The door to her quarters slid closed. "You're going to tell me everything." She gave him a fierce kiss. "And I do mean everything."
"No drink, no foreplay?" he teased.
"Pasha, don't make me get my strap."
His eyes closed involuntarily as the memory of Sulu's strap came back sharp and clear. When they opened, Uhura was staring at him judiciously. He smiled again. "Nyota, you've never..."
"And I wouldn't," she broke in. "That is, unless you asked me..." Her voice stopped, her eyes widening. "Pavel, you don't mean to tell me..."
It was his turn to interrupt her. "Let us begin at the beginning."
She stepped to the bed and sat down, patting it beside her. "I'm all ears, sugar."
Pavel sat down beside her, then moved back to sit against the bulkhead, bringing his legs up onto the bed, one crossing over the other. Uhura immediately slid up beside him, and he put his arm around her shoulders.
"I was very angry with you for your interference," he began.
"I see you got over it," she commented.
He shrugged. "I know you had only the best of intentions. And Hikaru..."
"Hikaru?" she interrupted.
"Nyota, are you going to let me tell you?"
"Forgive me. I've just never heard you use his first name."
"No," Pavel agreed. "And you are not likely to hear it often. But considering the - intimacy - of this conversation, it is appropriate, yes?"
"Did you use it with him?"
"Once or twice," he admitted.
"Pavel, you know what that means - or at least what it will mean to him."
He took a deep breath and gazed sternly at her. "Do you want details or not?" he demanded.
"I'm sorry, sugar. Go on." She rested her head against his shoulder.
"Hikaru was very adept at putting me at my ease," Pavel began again. "And he apologized for listening to you." Uhura grunted in annoyance but didn't interrupt. "We talked, ate, drank..."
"Did he bring up the experiment or..."
"Nyota!"
"I'm sorry!"
"He brought the subject up. I had had some vodka, but I was nowhere close to being inebriated..."
"I don't doubt it, sugar," Uhura chuckled. "I've seen you drink."
"And I told him what I have been telling you," Pavel went on, ignoring her comment. "I needed to know exactly what Vargik would've done. I needed to know if he would know exactly what Vargik would've done."
"And did he?"
Pavel had to suppress a shudder. "Yes, he did," he replied softly. He looked down into Uhura's warm brown eyes. "Nyota, his voice is so very compelling. To hear him speaking so crudely, instructing me..." His eyes closed again, desire flushing him. "Why does it have that effect on me?"
Uhura smiled. "I don't know, sugar, but I've heard it work its magic a million times."
"A million times," Pavel muttered. "Yes."
"Pasha, you knew he was experienced..." Uhura began.
"Yes. That is why I thought it safe to suggest such an experiment. I did not think there would need to be - emotional entanglement."
"And now you think you thought wrong."
Pavel kept his thoughts on that to himself. "When he speaks to me," he said instead, "I obey him. Perhaps not always without hesitation, but..." He shook his head. "I do not understand it."
Uhura sat up taking his hands. "We talked about that, Pavel. You're such a controlled man, that the idea of someone controlling you is..."
"Very arousing, I know. What I do not understand, even after all that we have discussed, is why."
He stared at her eyes. He could see the consideration in them and knew she had something to tell him and was debating whether or not to say it. This is how it had been between them for a very long time - even before he and Sulu had found themselves in a Mergonian detention camp.
"Why is - tricky," she said slowly. "Mostly it's because... it takes the responsibility away from you."
Pavel frowned. "What responsibility?" he asked.
"You can tell yourself you were only doing what you had been told to do," Uhura elaborated.
"Bah!" he grunted. "That is nonsense. After all, I am the one deciding to obey, yes?"
"That's where the double-think comes in." Uhura was looking at him quite seriously.
"This 'double-think'..." Pavel began.
"It means the ability to believe something you know isn't true, while not acknowledging that you know it. Or, in your case, not believing something that is true, and pretending it isn't."
Pavel's frown had deepened into a scowl. "And you say this is why I find the idea of Sulu telling me what to do so stimulating?"
"Sugar," Uhura said gently, "it's why you were paranoid about it, isn't it? It's why you had to have him as the manipulative villain and you the innocent pawn."
Pavel opened his mouth to protest, but there was an uncomfortable feeling in the back of his head that he knew would come leaping out at him if he did. Instead, he asked derisively, "And so what is this thing that I know is true while pretending that it is not?"
"Honey, that's easy," Uhura said, her face softening into a grin. "You're a sexual submissive."
Sulu was trying to relax after a dinner spent alone. He was trying not to let it bother him that he had spent it alone. It wasn't like Pavel had ignored him. They'd taken their lunch break together, an easy repetition of hundreds of other days. In fact, except for unbearably tantalizing innuendos - and the memory of the night before - the entire day was an easy repetition of hundreds of others. He wasn't even certain about the innuendos. He knew that if he had done and said the things Pavel had throughout the day, they would've been subtle come-ons. But when he attempted to return the compliment, Pavel invariably scowled at him. So he held his peace and waited until the ensign's promised 'after dinner.'
So it's after dinner. Where is he?
My, getting possessive already?
Well, there's supposed to be a honeymoon period, isn't there? You know, where you can't get enough of each other?
That's only for new infatuations. Have you considered he might not be infatuated with you?
That brought the helmsman up short. He hadn't considered it.
And why not? Ego the size of Jupiter? Who wouldn't fall under the spell of the great Hikaru Sulu?
Well, no, but it wasn't a damned 'experiment.' He admitted that much.
Did he?
He said, "I want to be willing."
But that was after he started the game of 'pretend to be Vargik.'
Sulu froze. No. I couldn't've made that bad a mistake.
You could have if you wanted it badly enough. And you did.
No. 'I want it, I need it, please, take me, use me, Hikaru, fuck me' wasn't to Vargik, now, was it?
And after all the stimulation you gave his body, how else was he supposed to feel? You didn't really need all those command classes in surviving the aftermath of sexual interrogation techniques, did you? The Human body responds, sometimes regardless of what the Human mind might say. That's lesson number one, isn't it?
Sulu was shaking. It couldn't be true. It was too horrible to contemplate. He'd only been doing what Pavel said he wanted.
That's right, Romeo, he sneered at himself. So get off this romantic kick and be glad you got your friend back. It's not true love but it wasn't selfish rape either. It was an experiment. Damned hot sex, but an experiment. Nothing more.
"That is circular reasoning," Chekov was stating for about the tenth time. "To say I am aroused by being submissive because I am submissive explains nothing."
Uhura sighed. She'd tried using several different approaches to explain to Chekov why he reacted to Sulu the way he did, but none of it was getting through. And while she was great at relationship counseling, she knew she wasn't a psychologist.
"Sugar," she began again, "there's is no 'why' to it - except maybe somewhere deep in childhood, she added to herself. "It just is. You respond to Sulu's dominance, to his enjoyment of a little discipline," and let's hope you don't find out how much more than 'a little' he enjoys until you're ready, "because you do. Why do you need to know why?"
Chekov was flushing angrily. "Because I cannot know whether or not to allow it if I cannot understand it," he growled.
"That's the point right there," Uhura said, seizing on his phrasing. "You cannot know whether or not to allow it. That's why you find him so compelling. He doesn't give you the choice. You aren't the one deciding."
"But I am...."
"And we're back to the double-think." The communications officer sighed, shaking her head. "Pasha, this is getting us nowhere." She took a deep breath, getting off the bed. "Go back to Sulu. Experiment. Maybe you'll figure it out."
Chekov's jaw was set. "I cannot think when I am 'experimenting' with him," he admitted gruffly.
"That's the point, too, sugar. Go."
Pavel was no longer certain he should keep his appointment with Sulu. He had much to think about and, as he had told Uhura, being around the helmsman wouldn't be conducive to thinking. Still, he found that his footsteps had taken him to the lieutenant's door. A short visit, then, he decided. And by no means are you going to allow him to convince you to...
Allow him to convince you? Did you not insist that it was you who decided such things?
Yes. I said allow.
And is that not exactly the 'double-think' Nyota was speaking of?
He frowned, his head beginning to throb with the effort of unraveling the confusion. He closed his eyes, his fingers pressing the signaling button.
"Come," came from inside the cabin.
Pavel stepped in the opening door. Sulu was at his desk, a cup of coffee beside him, the reader on. The helmsman looked up, smiling easily.
"Just finishing that report," he commented, standing up from his chair. "You want something to drink, coffee or tea or something?"
Pavel found his frown increasing, although he wasn't entirely sure why. He didn't offer the Pravda, his brain answered him.
And why should he?
He knows I enjoyed it...
And are you planning on loosening inhibitions tonight?
Still... he does not drink vodka.
So are you selfish or simply greedy?
He shook off the internal argument and answered Sulu's question. "Nothing right now, thank you." He waited just inside the door.
Sulu went to the replicator, refreshing his own coffee. "You gonna stand there or are you gonna come in and sit down?" the lieutenant asked jauntily.
Pavel made himself cross the room and take a seat, but it wasn't as casual as he would've liked it to be. Sulu came to him, moving his desk chair so that it faced the Russian without the desk between them. "So," the helmsman said. "Here we are."
"Yes," Pavel agreed. He saw the other take a deep breath.
"I don't want to assume anything, and I'm sorry I started to this morning."
Pavel nodded an acknowledgement. After an uncomfortable pause, Sulu continued.
"We're still friends, right?"
"Yes," Pavel replied with as much certainty as he could muster. "We agreed to that."
"And you said you wanted to find out if you might - um - desire this kind of lovemaking."
"Yes. I said that."
"And did you? Find out, I mean."
The Russian felt a flush coming to his cheeks. "Sulu..." he paused. "I can only state that - what we did - I found it - arousing."
"Enough to want more?"
The navigator grit his teeth, staring at the deck.
"Okay," Sulu said softly, then went on in a more normal yet just as gentle tone. "Maybe you're not sure you want more from me."
Pavel hurriedly glanced up. "No... that is, I mean I cannot... I have not considered... with anyone else, I would not..."
"So it's that you're not sure you want more period," Sulu clarified, and Pavel was certain he heard relief in the helmsman's voice. "Okay, then. How do you want to handle this?"
"You are the experienced one," Pavel heard himself muttering.
Sulu head the castigation in Pavel's tone. He'd heard it before, when a partner started wanting things to be serious and he was still tom-catting. But it had never happened so quickly; certainly never after only one sexual encounter, and that an 'experiment.' It had always been the mark of a deep infatuation. So is he or isn't he? Sulu asked himself. And am I ready to settle into a serious relationship?
You sure as hell were this morning, his brain reminded him.
And you talked me out of it, he retorted.
He took another deep breath. "Pavel, just tell me what you want."
The Russian stood. "That is precisely my difficulty, as I have said all along," he nearly snarled. "I do not know what I want. I do not have sufficient information to be able to make such a determination."
Sulu set his coffee up down, rising to stand next to the navigator. "Okay, take it easy. We can experiment all you want..."
"No!" Pavel said, and this time it was a snarl. "I will not allow you to make me beg for what you want."
"Oh no you don't," Sulu warned. "None of that shit. You're the one who wants more information. I've got all I need."
"Yes, I am quite aware of that," the ensign sneered.
You little son-of-a-bitch... "Fine," Sulu snapped, and grabbed the Russian, pulling him around, pushing him toward, then down on the bed. "Take advantage of it, then." He climbed over Pavel's body, straddling him, then grabbed him, kissing him harshly.